Chapter Eight
Wicked
There was so much that I had wanted to tell her, and I came close. Especially in the first weeks after she left. I probably would have if she had once picked up my call or answered my messages but she didn’t. So I couldn’t tell her my secrets. I couldn’t forget the dismissive look in her eyes the last time we spoke.
I missed her.
Me, Wicked. Missed my best friend’s little sister. A girl who had grown up into a beautiful woman. I wasn’t sure how I had missed it. It was like she suddenly appeared in front of me, out of the blue.
And all of a sudden I couldn’t think of anything else.
That was the scary thing because she was all I could think about. That wasn’t good when my mind should be on club business. As president of the Black Aces, the club was my responsibility. I just couldn’t get her out of my mind.
People were starting to notice as well. I could see it in their eyes when my own glazed over. They knew something was going on with me.
It was almost comical, that some college girl could occupy all my waking thoughts when I was working hard on saving the club I loved. And it did need saving. Melody was helping, but her very presence was a strain on my already fraught nerves.
I was so tired of lying.
I knew why I had to do it but I was tired of it. I lied to my friends, to my brothers. And those lies had sent Chelsea away.
Or maybe it was just me, who did that. Honestly, I didn’t know anymore. Maybe I had been too persuasive when I told her that I would fuck her and leave her.
Hell, maybe I had said it to persuade myself more than her.
“You’re thinking about her again aren’t you?”
“No.” I lied easily my hand curled around my coffee mug as I finished my early morning cigarette on the backstep. I hadn’t even heard Melody get in last night. Which meant she probably hadn’t come back at all.
It was a risky game we were playing, and her sneaking out to party every night was putting everything we were working towards in jeopardy. I had given up to much for it to all go to shit now.
“Oh come on.” Easily she plucked the cigarette from my fingers. Taking a deep drag. “You have been moping around after her for months now. Is she really that good a lay?”
My neck cracked I turned to her that fast. “Watch your mouth when you speak about her Mel. I like you but watch your mouth.”
Any normal woman would have paled under my steely stare but not Melody. She met my Look with a defiant one of her own. “What is it with you men?” Signing heavily, she passed the cigarette back. “You want her, but you would rather just sit here and wallow in your own self misery than go and get her. I just don’t understand it.”
“What’s there to get? In the eyes of the fucking world me and you are a couple. Or did you want me to tell her the truth?”
Her face paled. “You know we can’t tell anyone.”
“Exactly.” My shoulders slumped. I sounded defeated because I was defeated. “We don’t know how long this little charade of ours will have to go on for? What do you want me to tell her? That one day, god knows when that I can give her what she needs from me?” Shaking my head. “It’s just easier if I let her get on with her life. Let her meet someone else. So she can be happy.”
“And what about you Wicked? Don’t you deserve to be happy?”
Did I? Did I deserve to be happy after all the crap I had done. Maybe this was my karma. To watch a woman who I cared for, move on with someone else.
“I think I’m getting everything I deserve Melody.” Bending down I kissed her cheek. She was a good friend no matter how much we butted heads. “I have to get to church, make sure you wash the lipstick off of your neck before Cali gets up. She knows that’s not my shade.”
***
“Ruin not joining us?” Glancing at my watch for what seemed like the millionth time my foot started to shake. I hated waiting.
Ruin knew that, and yet this wasn’t the first time he had been late to church in the last few weeks.
“Has anyone seen Ruin?” There was a gruffness in my voice. A sharpness That always seemed to be there these days.
Something passed over my brother’s face. A flickering shadow as his eyes danced away. One that I had seen before. Truth hated lying. Even by omission. The look on his chiselled features was him trying not to blurt out the truth.