Her eyes soften, scooting closer to me.
“I told her I needed to be with my mom. She told me that I wasn’t the same guy she fell for. That I didn’t care about her the way I used to. I’m always choosing my mom over her, and if I wanted us to stay together, I needed to go to this concert. And if I didn’t go, we were over.”
“Fuck,” she mumbles. “I’m assuming you didn’t go.”
“No.” I let out a breathy laugh. “And for months, I blamed myself. I thought I was in the wrong and was just a horrible person. The guys helped me realize that I was going through something most people couldn’t understand.”
“And you haven’t been in a relationship since?” she asks.
“Nope. I don’t want to go through that again. Being with someone who doesn’t understand that I take care of my mom. Even though I’m in school, I see her most afternoons. I’m there for all of her appointments. That’s my number one priority. I want to make sure she gets better, and I don’t want to have to explain that to someone. They should just—”
“Get it,” she cuts me off.
“Exactly. So, this is just easier. Sure, I’ve pissed off a couple of hookups when I left before we were… finished.” Now, it’s Avalon who laughs. “But I don’t want to ever carry that regret. Knowing I could’ve said goodbye but was too wrapped up in a relationship and missed that chance.”
“What about your dad?” She adjusts her body so she’s sitting crisscross across from me. “Does he go with you to her appointments?”
“He’s not really around. He always tells me it’s because of work. He’s a lawyer, and with all of my mom’s medical bills, he says he has to work all these hours to ensure everything’s covered. Truth is, when we found out, he kind of shut down. It’s really just been my mom and me ever since.”
“That’s not fair to you,” she says. “You were a kid when you found out. He was a grown man. That never should’ve been on you.”
“I don’t mind it. It was hard in the beginning. I remember not wanting to cry in front of my mom. Because she wasgoingthrough it. Sure, I had to carry the pain of possibly losing her, but she’s the one who had to go through all the surgeries and chemo and slowly lose herself. I honestly—” I run my tongue across my bottom lip as I feel the tears rushing to my eyes. This is definitely a new one. Crying in front of the girl I’m sleeping with.
Avalon scoots closer to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders while her other hand holds mine.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t be.”
“I don’t know who I’ll be if she doesn’t make it.” I force a laugh. “I’ve been caring for her for so long; I just don’t know who I am without that.”
“You’re Zeke.” She rubs my shoulder. “No matter what happens, you’ll be the same guy. The guy who cares for his mom. The guy who keeps all of this inside because he doesn’t want to burden his friends with his own pain. The guy who convinced this noncommittal girl to become his fuck buddy.”
I chuckle, suddenly feeling the pain roll off my shoulders. I rest my forehead against hers and take a breath.
“Thank you,” I mumble.
“For what?”
“For listening… when you didn’t have to.”
“I was the one who asked the question.”
“True. So, this awkward situation with you witnessing me tear up is your own fault.” I pull back. “Next time you ask me a question, I’m dodging it. I’m not going back down this path again.”
“Wait,” she says as I stand up. “I have so many more questions, though.”
“And I need to take a shower.”
“Zeke!” she yells after me, but I shut the door to her bathroom. “We’ll talk when you get out then.”
I laugh and turn on the water.
Have you just been waiting for me to get out of the shower?”
“I live here… remember?” Her lips purse. “Where was I supposed to go?”
“Good point. Sorry to just trauma-dump and go, but I gotta see my mom before visiting hours are over.”