I always thought he had feelings for my mom. It was the only logical explanation for him sticking around when my dad didn’t. Even before my dad left, I remember Jay always being around, not my dad. Jay even came to my school to discuss his career after mymom got hurt. She was supposed to do it; it was supposed to be a parent, but Jay stepped up, even though my dad was still around then.
And he’s still here, all these years later.
“Are you guys ready to order?” Maia drops our drinks off at the table.
Jay looks at me and then at my mom, “Yes, I think we are.”
twenty
Zeke
Can I ask you something?”
We’re lying in Avalon’s bed, drawing lazy circles on each other’s skin. Me on her back, her on my chest.
“What’s up?” She pushes against my chest to look up at me.
“You don’t have to answer this; I know we almost talked about it before, but” she pauses, “why don’t you do relationships? Why do you just do… this?”
I shrug. I don’t talk about my mom often, not even with the guys, and the last thing I want is for Avalon to feel pity for me in any way. She’s the only constant in my life who has no idea about my mom, and it’s nice.
That being said, it could come up. If something happened to my mom and I had to run out, I’d have to tell her.
“You don’t have to tell me.” She avoids my eyes as she sits up. “It was a stupid thing to ask, I just—”
“My mom’s sick,” I cut her off.
“Oh.”
“She has cancer,” I continue, sitting up against the headboard. “Sorry. It’s a mood killer. That’s why I didn’t tell you when you asked the first time. I don’t talk about it often.”
“Why?”
“Why don’t I talk about it?” She nods. “Because nobody hangs out with Zeke Harris to hear about his dying mom.”
“How do you know that if you never talk about it?”
“I don’t know; I guess I just don’t want people to only see me as the guy with a sick mom.”
“And you think opening up about it will make you that guy?”
“I don’t know.”
“How long has she been sick?” Avalon rests against the headboard beside me, leaving very little space between our bodies.
“Since I was in high school. We found out during my Sophomore year, I think. High school after that was pretty much a blur."
“So that's why you stopped doing relationships?”
I take a deep breath, “Yeah, she's the reason I don't do relationships.”
“Oh.” She adjusts so her body faces me more, almost like she’s telling me to go on, without saying a word.
“She didn’t get it,” I continue. “I loved her. I think I did, anyway. I was a kid; who knows if I even understood love at that age, but she was my everything. Then I heard about my mom. My whole world flipped upside down, and my mom’s health became my top priority, and she didn’t like that.”
Avalon grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
“My mom’s health got really bad a couple months after we found out. One night, she ended up in the ICU and almost died. That same night, we were supposed to go to a concert for her birthday. But when I got the call, all I could think about was going to this concert and getting back home to find out my mom was dead.”