“My mom told me right before she passed that she felt ready to go because of you.”
“Because of me?”
“Because of you,” I repeat. “My mom told me that for the first time since she got sick, she felt like I was going to be okay without her because I had you. Because you opened me back up to theworld. Obviously, I did the exact opposite. But I guess in some fucked up way, I thought—”
“That she wouldn’t have died if I wasn’t in your life.”
“I know, it sounds stupid. Truthfully, it was easier to blame you than allow myself to come to terms with the truth. My mom was sick, and no matter how bad I wanted it, she wasn’t going to get better this time. And she would’ve died whether I knew you or not. And I’m sorry I allowed myself to use you as a scapegoat for my emotions.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“My mom.” I grin. “She left me a DVD because she knew I’d spiral without her. And she told me she was happy she met the woman I would marry.”
Avalon’s eyes widen, and I laugh. I had the same reaction when I first heard her say it, too. I don’t think either of us is there yet, but if she’ll have me, I’d love for her to be in my life forever.
“Don’t worry, this isn’t a proposal. She gushed on and on about you,” I continue. “And when the video ended, it was like everything was clear. Especially how much of an ass I was to you.”
“You were.”
“And I’m not apologizing with the hope that you’ll take me back, which I’d love, because I love you regardless of what I said the other day, but I just miss having you in my life. Whether it means us just being friends forever or you possibly forgiving me enough to take me back, I just want you in my life.”
“I don’t blame you,” she says, reaching for my hand. “I did. Trust me, I did. I wanted nothing to do with you, but my mom came backlast week. She finally decided to go to rehab, and she’ll be gone for the next year and a half.”
“Oh my god,” I gasp. “Avalon, h-how did that go? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she responds. “I’m bringing this up because after she left, I went into my room, and the only person I wanted to talk to was you. I felt like you’d be the only one who’d understand how big this was because you were with me through the ups and downs of the last several months. So much so that you’d also understand if I choose to not let her back in.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that you were an ass. The biggest ass. Like, you’re so lucky I didn’t beat the hell out of you after what you said to me.”
I laugh.
“But I also said something I shouldn’t have said—”
“You were right. If my mom had seen me, if she had been there to witness that conversation, shewould’vebeen ashamed. And I was, maybe not as quickly as I should’ve been, but once she talked some sense into me, I couldn’t believe those words ever came out of my mouth.”
“You’re right; you did deserve to hear those words.” She grins, grabs my coffee mug from my hands, and takes a sip. “It’s cold.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been sitting in that cup since we arrived over an hour ago.”
“It’s full.”
“I wasn’t really thirsty. This whole thing really isn’t my vibe. I’m just here because it’s what my mom wanted.”
“Then let’s leave,” she whispers.
“Leave?”
“You once told me that your mom loved hearing stories about other people; it gave her joy. Maybe today’s the day that we share stories about her,” she responds, and I tilt my head to look at her.
“What do you mean?”
“I think we should get your friends and head back to your place,” she continues. “And we’ll celebrate your mom the way she deserves to be celebrated.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Avalon stands up, putting her hand out for me to grab it. “Let’s go.”