“Avalon,” Jay says, causing me to stop in my tracks.
“Look, Jay, today’s been a really shitty day following a really shitty week, and I just don’t want to do this right now.”
“I’m leaving,” she says. “For an eighteen-month program.”
“Eighteen months?” I drop my bag on the floor and look at her. “That’s a year and a half.”
“I’m aware.”
“When do you leave?”
“Jay’s driving me there tonight,” she replies. “It’s in Ohio. The same place you wanted me to go to back in February.”
“What made you change your mind?” I cross my arms. “You seemed pretty against rehab last time I saw you.”
“I hit rock bottom,” she whispers, and I scoff.
“You think you justnowhit rock bottom?”
She adjusts on the couch, trying to find the right words, but there aren’t any.
“And you, how long have you been in contact with her?”
“Since earlier this month,” he replies.
“He helped me get things straightened out. I was in a really dark place, doing things for money that I never thought I’d do. ButRonnie took what cash I had on me not long after he got me from the hospital, and I’d do anything to get high.”
“So, what? You guys are in love or something now?”
I hope she hasn’t wormed her way back into Jay’s life. I’m happy she’s ready to work on herself, but Jay doesn’t need this. She does this every time. She pulls him in, knowing his feelings, and uses him until she doesn’t need him.
“No,” he responds, and I swear my mom’s smile fades a little. “Your mom knows that nothing will ever happen between us. There’s too much pain and bad blood.”
“And I’m supposed to go into this program without strings.”
“I just don’t get why you’re here.”
“Solo quería verte una vez más,mija.”
“Well, you’ve seen me.”
Jay frowns as he sits on the chair across from my mom.
“Avalon.” It’s weird hearing him say my name like that. He sounds like a dad. “Sit.”
I run my tongue along my gums, debating whether to sit down or go in my room and slam the door.
I sit.
“I think you need to say everything you feel,” Jay begins. “Even if you scream and cry. Before she leaves, I think she needs to hear it. That way, she knows what needs to be worked on in therapy, aside from just her addiction.”
I don’t even know where to start. I’ve stopped myself time and time again when it comes to airing it all out.
“Te quiero.” That’s not what I expected to say; it kind of just came out. “I don’t think you’re a bad person. You’vedone a lot of bad things, but you’re not a bad person. That being said, you’re not a mom. You’ve never been a mom, not since dad left.”
She adjusts on the couch again, but she relaxes into the cushions this time.
“I understand how you feel, I couldn’t imagine going through what you went through, but in turn, you went and ruined the childhood I could’ve had. I lost my dad; I didn’t need to lose you too.”