“Gramps was there for us when my parents were gone.Yeah, Mom started goin’ on rides with my dad and they’d be gone for weeks at a time.When they did come home, we’d be lucky to see them for a day.It was more like a few hours.Just long enough for them to shower, change clothes, and pack again for their next trip while washin’ their laundry.They rarely asked about our lives or celebrated any achievements with us.Gramps was there for all of that.Still, I mainly took care of everythin’ while he helped when he could.Even though I had Talon and Death with me, I felt more alone than ever before in my life.I didn’t have friends other than those in the club and my brothers, all of my time was spent doin’ adult things, and I couldn’t relax for even a second.
“When I graduated high school at the top of my class, my parents weren’t there.I don’t even remember if they were in the country at the time.Gramps, my brothers, and a few others were there for me.Gramps took us out to dinner after the ceremony and got me a cake to celebrate my achievement.I didn’t even get a phone call from my parents.When I got into college and technical school for the garage, it was again radio silence from the two of them.I was there for Talon and Death when they graduated and achieved everythin’ else in their lives.I became their dad instead of older brother.My parents seemed to flip some kind of switch inside and became selfish people we no longer knew.I never felt as invisible, alone, or scared in my entire life.
“I was really young when I made the decision to never have children or a woman.The thought of havin’ anyone else feel the way I did from such an early age hurt me deep inside because of how horrible it truly is.The club life isn’t for everyone, and I always knew that seein’ all the shit I did growin’ up.Add in bein’ an officer of the club and it’s even worse.I’m the President which means I have more responsibilities than anyone else in the clubhouse.Fury is second to me, but I still have more than he does.My time is split between club business and the garage.So, it’s always just been easier for me to fuck the Rebels and random women I met in bars or on a run.They all knew there would never be more than a night with me and I didn’t stay for cuddlin’ or small talk.I got what I wanted and disappeared,” he tells me as I look at him with tears in my eyes.My heart is breaking for the little boy who had to grow up years too early and for a man who has never known the love of a woman because he’s held himself back for very good reasons.Now, I can understand why he acts the way he does.
“Thank you for sharing that with me, Judge.It makes it easier to understand where you’re coming from.That still doesn’t really answer why you’re here though,” I tell him with a small smile on my face before I wince when I try to adjust my position on the bed.
“Let me help, Little Bird,” he says, standing up and helping me lean forward before he adjusts the pillows at my back.It takes a few minutes to get things right, but I’m finally slightly more comfortable than I was before.
“When Zach ran back into the clubhouse the day you were taken, my heart stopped beatin’ and it felt as if my soul was ripped from my chest.A deep ache lingered until I got the call from Calbert that he was the man who bought you and would be bringin’ you back to the clubhouse.For the first time in my life, a woman got under my skin.Everyone could see it and I kept denyin’ it.That’s why you heard me say that vile shit in the office that day.I’veneverthought of you as nothin’ more than a hole to find my release in, Wren.You’ve always been so much more than that to me.
“That night in The Hide Out was the beginnin’ of my downfall.You’re the only woman I’ve been with since that night.I went from fuckin’ every damn day to not bein’ able to get hard unless I thought of you and remembered that night.Yeah, I feel shitty for takin’ your virginity in a nasty bathroom, but I’m glad it happened.I’ve been fallin’ for you since that night, Little Bird, and had no clue that’s what was goin’ on.I’m gonna change.I’ll be the man you need me to be.I want to be a man worthy of standin’ next to you and bein’ the best dad I can be to our twins.Yes, I know the words I’m sayin’ right now don’t mean shit to you.You need me to prove it with my actions.Wren, I’m all fuckin’ in with you.I want you as my ol’ lady and wife.The mother of my children, and someone who will pull me back when I’m startin’ to head down the same path my parents took.If anyone can beat some sense into me and get me to pull back when it comes to work, it’s you.Little Bird, will you give me that chance?”he questions me, the most vulnerable look in his eyes I’ve ever seen.For the first time, Judge is looking at me with longing in his eyes and something much deeper that I can’t explain right now.
“You’re gonna have to let me think about it, Judge.Right now, you’ve hurt me more than once.Yeah, I’d love to give you a second chance and have you show me how serious you are.I’m just not there yet.I’ll need time.It’s not because of what’s already happened, it’s because of my past.Tristan and Zach know more about me than anyone else.I don’t share a lot with others because I’ve never had anyone to lean on.
“As you know, I grew up in foster care.Apparently, I was found on the side of the road as a newborn.It was storming out and my parents just left me out in the elements for some reason.I know absolutely nothing about them and I don’t want to know.Someone happened to find me and I was taken to the hospital.I had to stay there for a while from what my case worker once told me.When I was able to be discharged, I was put in a foster home for the first time.I spent the first three years of my life with that family.Then, all of a sudden I was moved.From that point on, I was lucky to last a year in one house.More often than not, I spent about six months with a family before getting moved somewhere new.The last seven months I was with Tristan, Zach, and Mrs.Smythe.
“The three of them truly made me feel as if we were a family.Tristan and Zach did everything they could to break down my walls and get me to let them in.We spent all of our time together and were there for one another in ways I always dreamed of.I’ve always wanted a big family with brothers and sisters I could love and build relationships with.Mrs.Smythe was always including us in her daily tasks.We’d cook dinner together and bake desserts.She truly treated us as if we were her real kids instead of foster children.All of them were at my graduation and cheered for me louder than any of the other kids.It was the best day of my life and one I’ve remembered often over the years.Still, I couldn’t fight against my response to leaving.When I turned eighteen and aged out of the system, I completely cut off Tristan, Zach, and Mrs.Smythe.The second I drove away, I didn’t look back.It broke my heart and I cried for months after leaving them.I missed them daily and thought about them every damn second of the day.
“Like you, I felt completely alone in the world.Even when I had others with me, I was still so lonely.I’ve never felt good enough for anyone.If none of my foster parents wanted to keep me for six months or more, why would anyone else want to keep me in their life?So, when you acted the way you did toward me, I simply thought it was one more person showing me I wasn’t good enough to be any part of their life.It’s why I decided to cut you off completely and not ask for a single thing from you for the twins.I’m fully prepared to raise them on my own.I’ve even thought of moving to Braedon to be closer to your family since they’ve said they want to be in the life of the twins.It’s just easier if I don’t see you.
“The same way you said I got under your skin that night we met is the same for me.It’s like the second I saw you sitting at the table I was ruined for everyone else.Then to feel your hands on my body and the way you made me feel when we were having sex and I knew I was finished.No one else would ever compare to you.I’ll admit I started to get feelings for you even knowing very little about you.I can see you’re a kind man with a huge heart to love those around you with.I’ve seen you with your blood family, your nieces and nephews adore you, and you treat everyone fairly until they prove they don’t deserve it.It would be so easy to let myself fall in love with you and give you that second chance, Judge.You have the power to absolutely break me in ways no one else will ever be able to.That’s why I have to think about this because you can say you’re all in, but things change in the blink of an eye.We both learned that really young,” I tell him as Judge nods in response like he’s truly listened to everything I’ve just said to him instead of simply humoring me as if I’m some kind of pest he’s simply entertaining.
“Were, um, were you ever abused in the foster homes?”Judge asks me and I can see it written on his face that my answer truly means a lot to him.
“No.Every set of foster parents I had were great.They helped me with homework when I had it, read bedtime stories to me when I was young, made sure I had three meals a day and snacks each night before bed, and I always had new clothes and shoes when I needed them.They simply didn’t want me for one reason or another,” I answer him honestly as he looks at me with relief filling his face as his shoulders also slump just a fraction.
“Wren, there’s somethin’ else I need to tell you,” Judge says, holding my hand tighter in his and kissing the back of it once again.“Leah is also in the hospital.I think she’s actually a few rooms down from you.Dr.Sanchez saw her at the clubhouse and it wasn’t good.Her heart rate started droppin’ along with her blood pressure.She lost consciousness on the couch Tristan and Zach laid her on.Leah was brought in by ambulance and had to have emergency surgery.There was internal bleedin’.Doc got the bleedin’ to stop but there were other complications.She got an infection and with her current health issues, Dr.Sanchez isn’t sure if she’ll recover.I’m so sorry to tell you this.”
My heart feels as if it’s stopped in my chest with this new information.Leah has been nothing but kind to me since the day I met her.She’ll have no one at her side if I don’t go to her.
“Judge, I need you to take me to her.Leah doesn’t have any family of her own.It’s one of the things we bonded over.She’s completely alone and I won’t let her recover thinking I won’t be at her side.Please, take me to her?”I beg him, my heart racing as I try to sit up in bed and throw the blankets off of me.
“If Dr.Sanchez agrees to let you go to her room, I’ll take you there.Right now, you need to rest and take care of the twins, Little Bird.Leah’s not alone.Guys have been in with her since she got out of surgery.Wyatt and Nate have actually sat with her the most.She’s woken up a few times and talked with them.Always asks about you.Can you let me ask him before you try to just get out of bed?”he returns, his voice gentle as he rubs his thumb on the back of my hand.
“I’ll agree to that,” I relent knowing the twins are the most important thing to worry about right now.
Judge doesn’t release my hand as he pulls out his phone from his cut and I watch him call Dr.Sanchez without waiting for him to come give me an exam or anything else.He’s calling his personal number.I listen to Judge’s side of the conversation so I can figure out what’s being said.After a minute, he hangs up and smiles at me.Dr.Sanchez is allowing me to go see Leah as long as I remain sitting down and don’t try to move around a lot.The tearing of the ligaments in my neck is bad and I need to take care of myself.I also have to let the nurses know where I am because I’ll need to have ice on my neck again very soon.It can happen in Leah’s room if I behave myself.I smile back at him because he’s making something I want to happen take place.Maybe Judge is ready to show me he can change his opinion and give me what I want in a relationship.I guess only time will tell.