Wren doesn’t get off the bench and turns her back toward me.She pushes the half-eaten potato away from her and I worry that she hasn’t eaten enough.Taking a seat next to her, our arms brush against one another and I feel a tingle race up my spine.She’s the only woman who’s ever made me react to such a simple touch.One I don’t know if I’ll ever experience again.It’s fucking with my head more than anything else because I have a feeling this is a once in a lifetime experience and I won’t ever find it again.
“Are you pregnant, Wren?”I ask her, trying to keep my voice calm.
“Yes.I was going to tell you at some point.I know you don’t want anything to do with me or this baby.That’s okay, Judge.You made it very clear when you walked out the way you did after we had sex.I’m only here while I finish healing and won’t get in your way at all,” she says and I can’t help the anger rising even more inside me from her words.Without even trying, she hits me right where it fucks with me the most.
“You never gave me a chance to decide if I want to be part of my child’s life, Little Bird.I don’t want an ol’ lady and I’ve always said I didn’t want kids of my own.I’m happy with my life the way it is.I don’t have time to give anyone else.I run the club, the garage, and go on runs when I’m needed on them.The next run I go on, I’ll be gone for almost two weeks.That means anyone I’m with will be alone durin’ that time,” I tell her without going into details about my past and how I grew up.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Judge.I’m fully prepared to raise this baby on my own.Yes, I’m keeping it and you won’t have anything to do with the pregnancy or baby once he or she is born.I won’t be here long enough for it to matter anyway.As soon as my car is done, I’ll be gone,” she says, still not looking at me as we sit close together, surrounded by a ton of people but still in our own world.
“That’s not what I’m sayin’, Wren.I don’t know what the hell I want or how I see this situation playin’ out.The only thing I know for sure is that I want you.Not for a relationship or anythin’ more than sex.I don’t do relationships and all that bullshit.I want you, Wren, and I have a feelin’ you still want me, too.Think about shit and let me know,” I tell her as I turn to look at her for the first time since I sat down next to her.
Wren still doesn’t look at me.She’s staring off in front of her and I don’t think she’s actually seeing anything at all.I watch as her entire body stiffens and she starts to shake.She’s not in pain from the injuries or anything else.This is me hurting her with my words and making her feel some type of way.
“So, I’m good enough for you to fuck, but nothing else.I guess that’s something,” she says, her voice monotone and lacking any emotion at all.
“I’m not sayin’ that, Wren.Fuck!”I say, not being able to hold back the anger from filling my voice making her wince.
“It doesn’t matter.You know I’m pregnant now and I don’t have to worry about telling you now.From now on, just forget you heard anything,” she tells me, standing from the bench and wincing as I jump up to stand at her side in case she falls or something.“I’m fine.”
“What’s the real reason you’re not goin’ to the funeral tomorrow, Wren?”I ask her, needing to hear it for myself.
“I don’t belong at the funeral so I’m not goin’.That’s for the rest of you who truly knew him to say your final goodbye.I didn’t know him and all I did was try to save him.That doesn’t mean I get to show up at the funeral with everyone else.I’ll stay here at the clubhouse and rest.Besides, my back is still really sore if I stand or sit for too long in one position.If I’m standing, my leg will go numb and it won’t be good.Can all of you please stop asking me why I’m not going and all that bullshit?”she questions me, her voice breaking as tears start to fall from her eyes.
Demolition makes his way over to us and wraps an arm around her before pulling Wren into his chest the best he can with the height difference between the two of them.He levels me with a glare and I know this shit isn’t over.Demolition warned me about hurting her and he’s going to think I did something to make her cry.I’m not sure what he’ll do, but I know it won’t be pretty.I watch him walk away from me with Wren, not stopping to talk to anyone on his way back in the clubhouse.Somehow I managed to make the situation even worse between Wren and me.I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do to fix things.Or if I even want to try.Maybe it’s better if she hates me and wants nothing to do with me.
“You really know how to put your foot in your damn mouth, don’t ya?”Kelsey asks, walking up to me and looking around the full parking lot.“You really thought offering to have sex with Wren with nothing else was going to work?”
“I didn’t come out here with a plan,” I tell her as we move to sit on top of the picnic table after moving aside Wren’s half-finished food.“I heard her say somethin’ that was a complete shock to me and everythin’ else went out of my mind.You know our situation and all the hell Death put you through.I’m not about to go there with anyone.Especially Wren.Yeah, I want to fuck her.That’s about all I can give her.”
“You can give her so much more than that, Judge.We all know you have the largest heart of all the Whittaker brothers.You might not know it, but the rest of us do.Stop being afraid of loving someone and letting someone love you in return.Out of everyone, you’re the biggest wimp because you let fear rule your life.The fear of being out of control in a situation that might put someone else in charge of what happens,” Kelsey says as I look at her and try to figure out what the hell to say in response to that.
“I don’t have anythin’ to give her or anyone else, Kelsey.My life is too damn busy like I just told her.There’s always so much goin’ on and not enough time in the day for anyone else.Wren deserves more than I can give her,” I state as Kelsey shakes her head, stands from the picnic table, and walks away from me.
I remain sitting where I am.I’m the last person Wren needs to see right now when she’s upset and trying to process what I’ve said to her.The only thing I want to do is make my way inside and tell her to forget everything I’ve previously said.That I don’t want to fuck her and give her nothing else in return.My mind is a scrambled mess with the realization that I’m going to be a dad.I don’t know a damn thing about being a parent.It’s different being an uncle.I can hang out with the kids and then give them back when they get tired, cranky, or in trouble.
I stay sitting on the table and look around at everyone.People are talking, laughing, and catching up with one another.It’s not very often this many clubs come together unless it’s a charity run, funeral, or something along those lines.Not a single person here is mourning Razer the way a few of us are.They all want to honor him and say goodbye, but they’re not a complete and total mess inside like the men in this clubhouse are.I’ve barely even seen Fury today and that’s not good.Finally, I stand up and make my way back inside.Wren is sitting at the bar with a giant plate of food in front of her.Death is on one side of her and Fury is on the other.Both of them have plates of food as I watch Tristan place a covered plate under the bar in the mini fridge.He’s making sure Wren has more than enough to eat.Moving my attention toward Fury, I notice him with a bottle of water in front of him instead of alcohol.I’ve noticed he doesn’t drink when Wren is nearby.Maybe that’s a good thing and will help him remain sober over the coming months when he gets lost in his head about Razer.