The knife flipped around in her hand so fast that it was a blur of silver in the lamplight. She pressed the tip to my nose. “Either you talk to me, make me understand why both of you are in so much pain, or I start slicing pieces off you. You think I don’t know your greatest fear, Tangaloa Ano? Right now, your guilt is the only thing keeping you alive.” She pressed the tip deeper into my nose, just barely pricking the skin. “So make me understand.”
The flip in her personality was like suffering whiplash. And what the hell did she mean she knew mygreatest fear?
“I fell in love with someone I shouldn’t have,” I hastily explained. “And when she gave me the green light, I acted when I shouldn’t have. It was inappropriate, and it resulted in me hurting her.”
I had no idea if that was enough. Holly’s eyes narrowed like she was mulling my words over in her head. All the while, the tip of her dagger still pressed into my nose.
“I don’t like that you hurt her, but from what you just said, she was willing. You did not take something she did not willingly offer.” She removed the blade from my nose. She hopped off my chest with the grace of a cat. “I need to speak with Master Mal. If he agrees you deserve to die, I’ll be back to kill you.”
My eyebrows shot up. “What?”
But Holly was already walking to the front door. She entered the code into the alarm system—how the fuck did she know the code?—and then exited. A second later, the alarm beeped that it was reactivated.
I sat up on my elbows. After a second of just staring at the door like it was the portal to Narnia, I hastily touched my hand to my neck and nose. There was only a bead of blood from my nose, unlike my neck that had a distinct, thin line across it. I checked my dick next, and though it throbbed worse than my neck, I couldn’t see any blood there.
I started toward the downstairs half bath to clean up when I pivoted to head into the kitchen. My phone was charging in there on one of Kalea’s spare cords. I ignored any messages or missed calls that came in as I turned it on before pulling up the phone app.
It rang for a second before a gruff, “What?” answered.
“What the fuck is wrongwith your woman?!”
Kalea never askedme about the mark on my nose or the scab across my throat. I caught her looking at them, but she never asked. Over the next two weeks, we maneuvered around the house like the other didn’t exist. I went with them to the park or out grocery shopping, yet neither of us spoke much. After a tow truck came to pick up my bike, Kalea drove me to and picked me up from work. We were just in each other’s orbit.
I didn’t know why she let me stay. Technically, the house was hers. Even though I bought it, I removed my name from the title during the divorce proceedings without making her buy it back from me. She had every right to kick me out, and yet she didn’t.
On the same note, I didn’t know why I stayed. I shouldn’t be here. I had no reason to be, but the more I was, the more I allowed memories of our time together to replay in my head. For years, I’d avoided them like they were damaged or tainted, like they could hurt me. Maybe I wanted that pain now or maybe the pain was never as much as I assumed it would be. Either way, the longer I was here, the more it felt like we were just in a two-year argument.
Hanging with Pualani was different. She was younger than Samantha and was currently in potty training. But just as before, she didn’t feel likemine. Not like Samantha did, not as Caroline shouldn’t, and not as Kalea once had.
Kalea and I weren’t strangers. I’d known her since she was four years old, and Aloiki, Kayl, and I were eight. We grew up together, and in a way, losing her had been like losing one of my best friends. The past two years had been hell without her in my life.
But I could not forgive nor forget her betrayal.
Sitting at the table with her and Pua did not feel comfortableor natural. All it did was remind me of how much I’d rather be at a table with Caroline and Samantha.
After my phone was charged that first night, I got bombarded with messages and calls. Most were about work, some were from my brothers wanting to know where I was and what had happened atShakaloha, another was from Hops informing me that I was going to be paying for the damage I caused to his property, and one, a single missed call, had been from Caroline. She still preferred calling to texting, and the fact that she didn’t need a separate answering machine amazed her to the point where she purposefully missed calls just so she could listen to them from her cellphone.
Fuck, I missed her and her little quirks.
But while she loved getting voice messages, she did not leave me one. I did not know if I was happy or sad about that. I wanted to hear her voice, and it was cowardly of me not to call her back. I knew myself, though, and I knew Caroline. She would forgive me, tell me that she’d overreacted after discovering her tattoo and claim that she never meant to kick me out of her life. She would apologize likeshehad been the one out of line.
And I would go crawling back to her. Because I was helpless to resist that woman. I would give her the sun, the stars, and the moon if she asked it of me.
I did not know if she meant to continue adding pictures of Samantha to our shared photo album each day. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever explained that that wasn’t a requirement of taking photos. But multiple times a day, I got notifications about the new pictures, and I wanted to call Holly back to finish the job.
I’d abandoned my daughter, and that broke me all over again. I saw no other way, though. I couldn’t be around Samantha without Caroline. It wasn’t like we had shared custody or that I had visitation rights. But it did not change that she was the daughter of my heart.
I knew it did not make up for my absence, nor did I have a plan for how long I would be gone for, but each day I had a delivery of toys, sweets, and/or clothing delivered to the house for Samantha. I hoped and prayed one day she would learn to forgive me.
I did not reach out to Caroline or send her any gifts. There was nothing I could do to make up for what I had done. It would be futile, and might even hurt her more. Why rub her nose in it? However, that did not mean I wasn’t looking out for them. I texted Neo to set up an account in Caroline’s name, funded solely by me. I had an armored cage delivered to Bacon’s with a booster seat, and since Caroline couldn’t drive, I kept Tommy, Saga, and the Prospects up to date with their schedule, including doctor appointments. Samantha’s swim lessons were taken over by Tommy and his dogs.
I also booked a consult with Caroline to have Doodles look at her tattoo, but so far, she’d postponed it twice. I did not know why, and it was no longer my place to ask.
It should not have surprised me how great of a mother Kalea turned out to be. I had always thought she would be, and it was like a dagger to the heart knowing I was right. But in some weird, fucked-up way, I felt like everyone was getting to be a better parent than me. Hell, even Aloiki, and his son wasn’t even born yet!
My pity party knew no bounds, it would seem.
Pualani was playing in the front lawn when my bike was delivered, newly painted and the front axle repaired. I had a small salmon decal added just below the seat bump. It was just a silhouette, and yet it seemed to be staring at me, judging me, as I signed the paperwork for the delivery.