And suddenly I’m alone, powerless, and wantto fucking cry all over again.
I sit on the benchoutside the courtroom. Today is Ryan’s sentencing hearing.
I know I shouldn’t be here, but I just can’tabandon him when he needs me most. I keep holding out for hope,praying the sheriff’s department finds Sean in time. It's 7:53 AM,Ryan’s court appearance is at 8:15. Twenty-two minutes. Twenty-twominutes left for fate to decide how Ryan’s future and mine is goingto play out. Life changing together or life changing apart, becauseeven if I do confront my father, there’s no guarantee I can keepRyan out of jail. I can, potentially, give up everything and getnothing in return.
I hear the double doors at the end of thelong hallway swing open and the sound of high heels tappingvigorously against the marble floor. I look up to see Emily and myuncle walking quickly towards me.
“Alana,” Emily hugs me when she reaches me.I’m a little confused. I wasn’t expecting them to be heretoday.
“What going on?” I ask puzzled.
“Honey,” my uncle John says, a little toograve. “They found Sean,” he hands me a piece of paper and I grabit.
“They found him?” Hope sprouting in my voice.I look down at the paper and my vision gets blurry.
“He was dead when they got there,” my unclesays sorrowfully.
I read the police report: dead on arrival,suspected cause of death, heroin toxicity.
I crush the paper against my chest andstumble, my uncle catching my arm. I try to get a grip, but theenormity of what I just read levels me.
Sean’s dead?
Sean’s dead.
All I can do is think of Ryan. This is goingto destroy him. After everything he’s done for his brother, this ishow it ends?How much can one person possibly take?Andwhere will he mourn? Alone, in a prison cell, accused of a crime hedidn’t commit.
No.
All at once my entire life falls away from meand I suddenly start walking.
“Alana, where are you going?” I hear Emilyask, but I don’t respond, I don’t even turn around, because if Ido, I’ll lose my nerve.
There’s an extreme transformation of time asI walk. Everyone around me is moving at hyperspeed while I’m stuckin slow motion. All my senses seem heightened, I can feel theslight breeze from the air vents above me, smell the floor polishpercolating from the marble beneath me, hear my pulse thump in myears like a drum inside me, and taste the remnants of my lastsupper on my tongue; a cup of coffee and a half eaten granolabar.
I stomp up to the door of my father’schambers and am met by his watch dog, Miles. A court clerk who is amiserable, little snivel of a man with an unhealthy predilection tosweater vests, and treats me exactly like the spoiled rich girl heperceives me to be.
“Alana, you can’t go in there!” he snaps.“He’s about to go into court.”
“I know,” I snap back, surprising him.“That’s exactly why I need to see him.”
To my amazement Miles backs down, but notwithout a contemptuous glare. I grab the doorknob, close my eyesand take a deep breath; I’m about to wash my entire existence outto sea.
I burst into my father’s office. “Alana?” Helooks up immediately, perplexed.
“Daddy I need to talk to you.”
He’s a little taken back, but keeps hiscomposure, just like I’m trying to do.
“What’s the meaning of this? I’m due incourt.”
“I know. Daddy please listen.” Shit I shouldhave prepared a little better, because I don’t know what to say. SoI just blurt out, “Your first hearing, the guy. He’s innocent.”
“What? Alana, this is highly irregular andcompletely inappropriate. I can’t discuss my cases with you.”
“I know that, but you don’t know the wholestory and you’re about to sentence an innocent man.”
“How do you know he’s innocent? And how thehell do you knowhim?” My father’s eyes are as cold as ablock of ice.