“It’s not over yet. I still have one cardleft to play.”
“What are you talking about?” He cocks hishead up with the receiver to his ear.
“If they can’t find Sean, I’m going to talkto my father.”
“Alana, don’t you dare.” He sits up straight.“Don’t you dare throw your life away because of me.”
“It’s no kind of life without you,” I respondmeekly.
“There has to be another way. We can appeal?Right?”
I shake my head sadly, “Ryan the evidenceagainst you is overwhelming. The decision will never getoverturned.”
“So how is you talking to your father goingto help me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I can appeal to hisemotional side,” I say sardonically.
Ryan just shakes his head feverishly, “Alanait’s over, just let it go.”
He’s completely given up.
But I just can’t accept that.
“Ryan, listen to me. Don’t get sucked downinto a pit. I need you.”
“Need me, for what? I’m stuck in here. Whatcan I possible give you now?”
“Strength.”
“What?”
“Strength. Your strength is my strength,” Isay ardently. “Do you remember when we first met, how closed off Iwas? It drove you crazy.”
“I remember.”
“Do you remember what you told me?”
He pauses, his blue eyed stare getting lostin the memory. “That showing emotion isn’t weakness, it’sstrength.”
I nod my head, “You changed my entire lifethat day, and I don’t even think you realized it. I never meant tofall in love with you, but I liked who I was when I was with you. Ilike who I am now. And it’s because of you. So please, stay strongso I can be strong.”
“I don’t want you losing everything,” hesays, his eyes piercing.
“It’s going to happen regardless,” I grip thereceiver tighter. “The question is, are you going to be the one whopicks up the pieces when it does?”
“I want to be.”
“I want you to be too.” I put my hand on theglass and a buzzer suddenly goes off. Visiting hours are over.
Ryan puts his hand to mine; one, thin,maddening piece of transparent solid separating us. Not being ableto touch him is agony. I just want to punch through the goddamnwindow and grab him. Hold him, hug him and tell him everything isgoing to be okay.
Even when we know it’s not.
I watch as the correction officers herd himand the other inmates away; all of them blending together like agreen-clad mob, Ryan vanishing from my sight.
As I stand there, I feel unexpectedlycold.
It’s exactly what I felt when I watched Seandisappear.