“Is that what you thought when you bailed onme?”
Ryan clenches his jaw, “Alright, I deservethat.”
“You deserve so much more than that.”
“I’ll take whatever you want to throw atme.”
“If I could pick up that dumpster it would beflying towards your head.”
Ryan puts both of his hands up against thewall, trapping me in. “Do you want to hit me Alana? Would that makeyou feel better? Because I’ll let you. I’ll let you hit me untilI’m dead.”
“I don’t want to hit you Ryan, I want tounderstand.”
“You will. Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrows scare me,” I say grimly, staringstraight into his eyes, “and I can’t stand the thought of you beingdead.”
Ryan presses his body closer to mine and mycheeks catch fire; he’s eerily quiet as he looks at me. I want toreach out and touch him, just plant my hands right on his barechest, but I don’t dare.
“I’ve been dead for five years Alana.”
“You look pretty alive to me.”
He shakes his head, “I came back to life fiveminutes ago.”
I’m trying to deny it, I don’t want to admitit, but I feel the same way.
How is it possible he can still infiltrate myemotions so easily after all this time?
“I really need a cigarette,” I tell him,desperate for some separation.
He doesn’t move immediately, he just lingersover me a few moments more as if reluctant to let me go. My stomachis in knots.
He pushes off the wall and steps back, nevertaking his eyes off mine. Then he grabs my hand and walks me backto Culture. I feel like I’m in some bizarre alternate reality,feeling Ryan’s skin against mine; his eagerness to touch me, hisforthright attitude, his up-front mannerisms, it’s almost as if notime has passed between us at all.
The line is even longer at the main entrancenow, and when Ryan and I get to the black velvet ropes women startscreaming. At first I thought something bad must have happened,then I realize they’re screaming at a half naked Ryan. It feelslike we’re standing in front of a construction site. Ryan just doesa little wave then turns his back on them. He gives me anuncomfortable grin and I just stare.
“Shit, my purse is inside.” I realize, aboutto throw a hissy fit.
“No problem,” Ryan whistles to someone behindhim. “Hey Lorenzo! You got a smoke for my girl?”
His girl?Say what.
A moment later a big, roly-poly Hispanic guywith a goatee and black hat walks over from the main entrance. Helooks like he can regulate some shit.
“Sure, bro,” he pulls a pack of Parliamentlights from his pocket. He grabs one from the pack and goes to handit to me, but Ryan snatches it up first. Then he takes Lorenzo’slighter and burns the cigarette, taking a long pull then hands itto me. His blue eyes shining as he looks at me.
“Thanks,” I grab the cigarette and quickly dothe same. The nicotine is like oxygen to my lungs.
“So, your girl, huh?” Lorenzo asks as helights up too.
“Ah, no, old acquaintance,” I interjectbefore Ryan can answer, pinning him with a cold stare.
“This is Alana,” Ryan tells Lorenzo as hetakes the cigarette smoothly from my hand.
“Alana?” Lorenzo looks at me surprised. “I’veheard so much about you,” he slides his shifty eyes over to Ryanand then back to me.
“You have?” I answer astonished, taking thecigarette back from Ryan. I pull hard, blowing out a thick streamof smoke from my mouth.