Ryan’s eyes glaze over with somethingominous. “I tried to keep to myself at first. But that wasn’treally working so well. Pretty boy in prison,” he shakes his head.“I basically had bitch stamped on my forehead. One day one of theother inmates started messing with me in the chow hall. I tried toignore him, but he just kept on pushing,” Ryan grinds his teeth andwrings his hands together. “Things escalated, got physical and thenI don’t know. Something happened, I just snapped. Sean’s alwaysbeen the fighter. But in there, I was a different person. I beatthe guy within an inch of his life. It took three guards to pull meoff him and when they did, his face was unrecognizable. I rememberlooking at him like it was through someone else’s eyes, seeing thedamage I didn’t know I was capable of.” Ryan’s body tenses allover; the muscles in his arms stretching the fabric of his tightt-shirt. “They dragged me away and threw me in solitaryconfinement. I spent an entire day covered in the guy’s bloodbefore they let me out for a shower. Then I went back in for aweek.”
“An entire week in solitary confinement?”
Ryan nods absently.
“That must have been unbearable.”
“It was,” he looks up at me, his blue eyessharp, “but I thought about you. A lot. Everyday actually. Forthree and a half years. And then every day after I got out.”
“I thought about you too,” I say softly, andthen I get up and go sit on Ryan’s lap. I just need to hold him. Myheart is breaking thinking about him locked away. Being punishedfor a crime he didn’t commit. It makes the lawyer in me go crazy.And the girlfriend in me want to weep. But that’s not going tohappen. If it came down to it, I’d end up smashing something topieces before I let a tear roll down my cheek.
“So what happened after that?”
“I staked my reputation. I didn’t start thefights, but I always finished them.”
“Did you fight a lot?”
“Not as much as others, but there was alwayssome jackass who wanted to start. Who thought he was tough,” Ryanshrugs modestly. “I just made damn sure I was tougher.”
“How do you feel now that you’re out?”
“I’ve gotten better over the last few months.I’m still resentful though.”
“Of Sean?”
“Of Sean, my mom. I barely speak to them,” hesays and there’s such sadness in his voice. “But like I said, Ican’t change my decision, only regret it.”
“Ryan,” I grab his face and kiss him. I wishI could take it all away; change the past, guarantee thefuture.
And I really wish I would have known.
I pull away. “What happens if Sean does itagain?” I ask, with a little bit of fear in my voice.
Ryan shakes his head strictly, “Never again.I’ll never take the fall for Sean again. And he knows it. I madethat very clear when I got out.” His tone is menacing.
“How’d you do that?”
“Prison made me very persuasive,” heinsinuates.
“Did you beat up your brother?”
“I needed to send him a message.” And hedoesn’t sound apologetic about it either.
“And did he receive the message?”
“The tooth I knocked out of his head tells mehe did.”
My mouth drops open, shocked.
“Can we talk about something else now?” Ryanasks tensely.
“Absolutely. What?” I think he’s beeninterrogated enough for one day.
“What evil demons are you hiding fromme?”
“Huh?” I glance down at him.
“You said you have intimacy issues. And I’mto blame. So tell me how deep it goes.”