“I…” Beau stroked one hand up and down my back, making me melt against him. “Monroe and Riley…know about us,” I admitted. I dropped my forehead onto his shoulder, not wanting to see his face. Not wanting him to see the shame all over mine.
“Oh...” he said, his hand pausing for a moment, then continuing, his fingers delicately tracing the curve of my spine. “Is that…is that bad?”
I drew back to meet his gaze. “You don’t mind?”
He bit his lip, and I could see the confusion in his eyes. “Should I?”
“Beau, you…I accidentally outed you to them, and that’s the shittiest thing a person can do. I didn’t mean to, I promise, but Monroe could tell something was going on and I couldn’t lie to him. But they’re not going to tell Shea, he doesn’t know yet. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I keep hurting you over and over?—”
Beau put his hand over my mouth like I’d done to him last night, his eyes soft and warm. “It’s okay, Lea. They would have known eventually, I was always planning to come out at some point. They’re your closest friends and if you trust them, then so do I. And I’m not worried about Shea.”
I stared at him in disbelief. What had changed? He’d been hiding his sexual orientation for so long, was practically trembling when he’d admitted it to me, and now…now he didn’t care who knew? I gently pulled his hand away. “Beau…are you really okay with everyone knowing? What if you change your mind?”
He shook his head. “I won’t. I’ve been meaning to thank you, Lea.”
Huh? “For what?”
“For giving me the courage to live how I should have been living all along. For helping me embrace who I am, to not be afraid of myself anymore.” My heart was going crazy in my chest as he spoke. “My—my mom was not a good person, but she was the only person in my life after Shea left and I was so scared of being alone that I hid the truest parts of me where no one would ever see. But even after she died, I didn’t have the courage to…” He sighed and closed his eyes.
My heart was breaking for Beau; he’d lived in the dark for so long with someone that didn’t deserve his time and attention, and I wanted to keep him in the sun forever now. I would never let a single shadow fall on him again. I would never let him doubt how beautiful he was.
Beau opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on mine. “You made it so much easier to embrace who I am, Lea. You’re so open and—and unashamed about who you are, and I admire that. So thank you.”
“Beau…” My chest hurt.
“And,” he said, “I’m not worried about my brother. I know he’ll accept me, too.”
“But—but Iamworried!” I cried. “He’ll hate me when he finds out. He’s gonna think I took advantage of you—oh my god, Ididtake advantage of you?—”
“Lea,” Beau said, voice deep and stern. Heat seared through me at the sound of it. “No, you didn’t. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions. And I would choose you every single time, if I had to do it all over again. Shea…well, Shea can think whatever he wants, but he has no say in what I do. Or what you do, for that matter.”
“He really doesn’t know you’re gay?” Maybe Shea had told me he was straight just so I’d stay away from Beau.
Beau cut his eyes down to a spot on my chest, expression sad and weary. “No,” he said. “He doesn’t. I always wanted to—” His eyes filled with tears, and I cupped his cheeks with my hands.
“Hey. You had to make the choices you made for reasons you don’t ever have to share with anyone. Okay? Nobody gets to judge you for how you protected yourself. No one. Not Shea, not me, not anyone.” I kissed his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his lips, then pressed my forehead to his. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “Everything’s okay.”
He nodded against me. “I always wanted to tell him. I just…I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to move here, but now…I’m so glad I did.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Me, too.”
Because I couldn’t imagine a reality where Beau had never existed in my life.
23
LEA
“Again!? Lea, you’re cheating!” Judy sent me a glare over her shoulder, then tromped off to the next hole.
Beau leaned toward me and whispered, “How do you cheat at mini golf?”
Judy whipped around and pointed a finger at me. “I don’t know, but he figured out a way and he’s doing it! No one gets a hole in one on every single round! Beau, why are you letting him get away with this? Be the good influence I know you are!”
I laughed and put my hand on the small of Beau’s back, ushering him toward a very irritated Judy. “Don’t be a sore loser, Judes. Just accept defeat and move on with your life.”
“If it was a fair defeat, I would accept it gracefully. We should’ve done a full inspection of your ball.”
“Don’t be crass,” I chided.