Lea went still, his eyes cutting to mine, his lips parting in shock.
“Oh, god,” I whispered.
Oh my god, what had I done?
I wished I’d never opened my mouth. I’d just ruined everything.
I turned to face the other way, bringing my legs over the side of the bed and sitting up.
It didn’t feel good. It wasn’t freeing. I felt sick to my stomach, like I might throw up. Oh, god, why did I?—
“Beau?” A hand on my shoulder. A soft, sweet voice. Smoke and honey. “That was so fucking brave of you, sweetheart. I’m so, so proud of you.” His lips brushed my ear before he pressed them to the side of my head. And when he rubbed his cheek against my head, the weight of everything I’d been carrying for so long dissolved in an instant.
It had taken two seconds to destroy a lifetime of self-doubt.
My breath hitched on my next inhale. Tears spilled from the corners of my eyes, blurring my vision. A sob choked out of me, and then Lea was there, coming up behind me, bracketing my legs with his, curving around me, pulling me into a tight hold against his chest as I fell apart. His mouth brushed against my ear as he murmured softly. “Shh, that was so good. You did so good, love. Thank you for telling me that. I think you’re perfect just the way you are. You’re such a brave man, darling. I’m so, so proud of you.”
I wasn’t sure how long we sat like that. Lea was slowly stroking the fuzz on one side of my head, lulling me into a dreamlike state where everything was fine. Everything was as okay as he said it was.
“Beau?”
“Hm?”
“Are you okay?”
Was I? I didn’t know. What did it feel like to be okay? Did it feel like this? “You don’t—you’re not mad at me?”
Lea made an angry noise and squeezed me tighter. “What? No! In no world would I ever be mad at you for being exactly who you are. And you arebeautiful.”
More tears spilled from my eyes as relief swamped me.
Lea’s voice softened. “You’re perfect just the way you are, Beau. Do you feel better?”
If I stayed wrapped in his arms any longer, things were going to become truly uncomfortable.
“Yeah. Yes, thank you, Lea.” I reluctantly stood up, my face burning, and Lea let me go. When I turned to face him, he had the sweetest, most tender expression in his blue eyes.
I felt like my throat was closing up. A rush of gratitude and some of the deepest affection I’d ever felt swept through me so suddenly, so intensely, that I took a step toward him. He was still sitting on the bed, looking up at me.
My gaze dropped to his lips, those perfect, mischievouspink lips that curled up on one side. Those lips that warmly accepted me exactly as I was. Those lips that reassured me at every point, that gave me the kindest, sweetest words.
They looked so, so soft.
“Beau?”
I wanted to taste them. To feel them against my own. I wanted to step between his legs, wrap him in my arms, and never let him go.
“Beau…”
I wanted mine to be the only name he said like that. In a breathless whisper saturated with desire.
I wanted to be the only one he ever wanted, to be his entire world. I wantedso muchfrom Lea. I was overwhelmed with all the things flying through my mind and my heart. All the things I’d repressed or kept subdued that had suddenly been freed.
There wasn’t anything to hold me back anymore, was there?
I leaned forward, tilted my head, and pressed my lips to Lea’s, not knowing what in the hell I was doing. I’d never kissed anyone before, but this felt right. In every reality, the only next move was this one.
He let out a shocked, muffled sound against my mouth, and then his hands were gripping my shoulders, pushing me back. Startled blue eyes stared back at me, and a wave of horror at what I’d just done had all the blood rushing from my face as an awful prickling sensation rolled slowly down my entire body.