He finally raised his eyes to mine, looking so confused and ashamed that all I wanted to do was hold him.
“What happened?” he whispered.
I sighed. “You drank a little too much and some woman was all over you down at the bar. You weren’t into it, you told her to stop, but she didn’t, so Shea and I kicked her out.” Should I tell him he threw up on her? No, that would only add to his mortification. “You got sick and I brought you home. That’s it. You don’t remember any of that?”
He shook his head. “No. I don’t. I’m—” He rubbed his hands down his face, an embarrassed flush creeping down his neck. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to—to drink so much, I just…”
I sat down on the edge of the bed as Beau eyed me warily. But that didn’t stop me from placing my hand gently over his and rubbing my thumb across his fisted fingers. “You have nothing—absolutelynothing—to apologize for. You didn’t do anything wrong, Beau.I’msorry for not paying more attention. I’m really, really sorry that I put you in a position where someone tried to take advantage of you. I can’t stop thinking about—” I cut myself off.
He didn’t need to hear all that. My worries about everything that could’ve gone wrong if Logan hadn’t noticed it happening and called me over.
Taking a deep breath, I said, “I’m just glad you’re okay. You’re okay, right?”
Beau licked his lips and slowly pulled his hand out from under mine. It hurt, that rejection of my attempt to comfort him. I didn’t want it to, but it did.
He said quietly, “I’m fine. Just…tired. Thirsty. I—I think I’d like to be alone right now.”
There was a lancing pain in my chest at his request, but if that’s what he needed, I’d leave him alone. “Can I get you anything? There’s water on your nightstand, but do you want something to eat?”
“No, thank you. I’m all right.” He was gripping the blankets so tight his knuckles were white.
Before I shut the door, I said, “I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Thank you, Lea.”
He shouldn’t have been thanking me because this was all my goddamn fault.
“So he’s okay?”
“For the tenth time, Shea, yes. He’s fine. Just a little hungover.” I flipped through the channels aimlessly. I’d been waiting for Beau to come out of his room for hours now, but the only time he’d emerged was to dart to the bathroom and take a long shower. That was two hours ago, and I’d been hoping he would come hang out in the living room with me. That he would talk to me.
Fuck, he’d thought we’d…hooked up. And he’d been unbelievably horrified by the idea of that. Which stung. I mean, I understoodwhyit might be so appalling to him. But it still hurt. Especially after he’d called me beautiful and said I smelled like cotton candy. Just drunken words that meant nothing, I supposed.
“He’s not answering his phone.”
“Well maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you,” I mused. He told me he kept overreacting where Beau was concerned because he carried so much guilt about leaving him behind in Kansas. I’d told him to stop overcorrecting and just be normal. That Beau was an adult and if he wanted Shea’s help, he’d ask for it.
“Yeah,” Shea said, sounding dejected. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I just thought—I dunno, I thought we’d be able to talk more. Put things to rest. You’ll look out for him when I’m gone, right?”
“I’ll be here for him if he needs anything,” I said. “Say hi to all your sexy scientist friends for me. Who’s the one with thedick-shaped birthmark again? Mark? Max? He was hot. Is he gay? Bi? Experimenting?”
Shea laughed. “His name is Moe, and no, he’s not into guys. And he’s married. Sorry, Lea. Go sniff around somewhere else.”
I sighed. “A girl can dream. Oh! Bring back more UFO stories. Those are my favorite. Remember when Jackson said he saw those lights and he took a picture, sent it toeveryone, and then it turned out to be a low-flying plane? Oh, god, that was great. I was so deliciously embarrassed for him. I hope he does that again.”
“He does that all the time, I just don’t tell you about it. I gotta go pack, but keep me updated. Love you, Lea.”
“Yeah, love you too,” I sighed.
I slumped down in the cushions and settled on some cooking show, but I couldn’t relax. I was buzzing with the need to see Beau, to know what he was doing, ask if he really was okay or he’d just been placating me. But I had to respect his wishes, despite wanting nothing more than to crawl back into that bed with him and let him hold me again.
“Lea—”
“Oh Jesus fucking Christ on a tap-dancing cracker!” I yelled in surprise, setting a hand over my racing heart. “Oh my god, Beau, you are so damn quiet.”
“Sorry, I didn’t meant to—to scare you.” His expression was sheepish, and I felt bad for yelling but lord, he’d given me a fright. At this rate I was going to have a heart attack and die at thirty.
“No, it’s okay,” I said, sitting up. And it was okay, because he was here. Right in front of me.