It was a mishmash of modern and antiquated aesthetics that worked, somehow, with low lighting and a wide open layout. There were three pool tables over in one corner, an old-timey jukebox next to the stage in the back, and two bars facing each other from across either side of the room. There were booths covered in red vinyl near the huge bay windows in the front, a smattering of tables in the center, and an open dance floor near the stage. And it waspacked.
But the best thing about it? The giant pride flag strung up above the stage.
I still couldn’t get over how open and accepting people were here. I really didn’t need to go anywhere else, everything I’d always dreamed of was right here. Wasn’t it?
I glanced across the room, my gaze falling on Lea’s arched back as he leaned over the bar, then looked away and took another sip of my beer.
I couldn’t look at him for more than a few seconds becausethe mesh tank top he was wearing was too much for me. All the blood in my body only headed in one direction when I let my gaze fall on him.
Seeing Lea work, taking care of his patrons and easily handling everything like a professional was also making me feel some kind of way.
On the surface, he seemed like nothing but a playful flirt, but he was a dedicated, kind, hard-working man that took pride in his bar and really cared about the people of this town.
I gave up, propped my chin on my hand, and let myself watch him.
On top of it all, he was so heartbreakingly beautiful.
He’d sat with me when we first arrived, but he jumped behind the bar about an hour ago to help the other bartenders during the busy rush.
We still made eye contact every now and then, and every single time, he would flash me a dazzling smile that set my heart racing.
“Refill?” The other bartender, Logan, a mid-twenties man with piercing green eyes, leaned toward me. I must have stared into his eyes for a touch too long, because a slow smile began to grow and he leaned even closer. Those green eyes drifted across my face, then back to mine, and he said, “I’ve never seen someone with so many freckles. It’s cute.”
I felt my face heat up and the skin at the back of my neck started to prickle. I pushed my glass toward him, cleared my throat, and said, “Um, yes, a refill, please.”
“And he’s got manners.” Logan clicked his tongue, grabbed my glass, and filled it at a tap behind the bar. I turned away to look out at the crowd, the buzz of the alcohol in my veins making everything a little brighter, a littler prettier. I feltgood, for once. I felt calm and happy; my usual anxiety when I was around this many people was blissfully dulled. Plus, I hadn’t been stumbling over my words.
“Here you are,” Logan said, sliding my drink onto a coaster.
“Thank you,” I said, immediately taking a sip. Then another. It was half gone in under a minute.
When we’d first arrived, I’d hurriedly finished my drinks because I was so damn nervous. But now I was so totally enamored with the way the alcohol was making me feel that I wanted to keep it going, to feel even better.
I watched people dance, let my eyes wander over all the bodies pressed tightly together, moving sinuously.
It felt dirty. It felt like I was watching people have sex with their clothes on, like I shouldn’t even be looking at them. My eyes hovered too long on two men pressed together, one behind the other, his arms locked around the man in front of him as he rolled his hips into his partner.
I couldn’t look away.
I’d watched porn before. I’d watched men having sex in all kinds of ways, and then I’d jerked off to them and dealt with the crushing shame of it afterward.
I wasn’t entirely unknowledgeable, just completely inexperienced.
Seeing two men dancing like that in person was very different from watching videos on a screen. And it lit a fire under my skin that had me itching to be one of those men.
“Lots of beautiful women here, right?” said Shea, mistaking my interest.
I glanced sidelong at my brother, who had just been out on that dance floor a few minutes ago. He was back in Blue Harbor for a few days, and then he’d be gone for two months, away at sea doing research and such. He was staying with Riley for the next couple of days, so knowing he wouldn’t be in the apartment with me and Lea was a relief.
I wasn’t upset about his coming absence. I was harboring a bit of anger and feelings of betrayal from when he’d told Leathat I wanted to leave this morning, and I needed some time to work through them.
Yes, it had all turned out just fine, but I’d told him that in confidence and he’d violated my trust.
The alcohol helped me forget about the hurt for now. I hardly even felt it, buzzed as I was.
I could talk to him about what he’d done another time. Tonight, I just wanted to keep feeling good.
I grabbed my glass and finished off what was left. “Yeah,” I said to Shea. “Lots of pretty women here.”