I could barely hear Lea over the roaring in my ears, and I was trying desperately to count to ten, to distract myself from this overwhelming feeling of doom.
No, it’s fine. Lea isn’t mad, this isn’t a confrontation. Everything is fine.
I didn’t believe myself.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I asked h-him not t-to tell you. I didn’t want to tell him, I didn’t, but he kept asking me w-why I wanted to leave and I can’t lie…I can’t…”
This was utterly humiliating. I wanted to disappear. Just blink out of existence. I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled through my nose, pushing my hands under my thighs so I wasn’t so focused on how much they were trembling.
Lea scooted toward me from his side of the couch, one of his hands drifting closer to my leg, like he wanted to reassure me through touch. He reached out, then curled his fingers in and moved his hand back.
His voice was so soft and gentle when he said, “Hey. Beau, love, you have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Shea was just worried, and I was, too. You’re right, he shouldn’t have said anything to me. But I’m glad he did because I’ve been a horrible, godawful host to you. You think you can forgive me for being such a self-involved asshole?”
Tears welled in my eyes at the familiar, playful tone in his voice, and when I turned my head and met his gaze, there was no judgment or scorn, no anger or revulsion, only a soft, reassuring warmth.
He really was an angel, wasn’t he?
Forgive him? There was nothing to forgive.Iwas the one in the wrong here.
I tipped my head back and looked up at the ceiling, trying to make the tears go away. “You’re not an asshole. At all. You’re just…you’ve been nothing but kind to me since I got here. You are one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, so please don’t call yourself an asshole.” I rolled my lips between my teeth, sniffed, and brought my gaze back to his. “I don’t think—well, I just feel like I’m a—a burden on you, and?—”
Lea’s hand came up in astopgesture. “Hold up. No, not true,you arenota burden, Beau. Like, at all. In any way. I like having you here. A lot. I mean—” He pointed to his injured hand. “I would’ve died without you and that’s an irrefutable fact.”
I choked on a laugh, my lips twitching, then stretching into a smile.
I wasn’t sureperfectwas even good enough to describe Lea. He was…
A beat passed where his lovely blue eyes held mine, then his gaze slowly drifted down to my mouth and stayed there. His lips parted and my smile faltered as he stared.
And stared.
My chest tightened, my face burned, and I averted my gaze to the carpet.
“Lea, you’ve been w-wonderful,” I whispered, the enormous lump in my throat making everything difficult. “I just…I’m sorry, it’s been a really hard transition, and I don’t do well with new things.” I swiped away the tear that escaped and hoped he hadn’t seen.
When Lea shifted even closer and set his hand on top of mine, my heart flipped. “It’s okay. I get it. It’s been a hell of a month for you, and I think you’ve been handling it amazingly well, all things considered.” In a softer voice, said, “I don’t think you’re a burden or a nuisance or annoying or anything negative, okay? I honest-to-god really like having you here, Beau. And I’d love it if you stayed. So please stay.”
I stared down at his hand over mine, the curve of those long, elegant fingers beautiful, strong, and delicate all at once. I raised my eyes to his and swallowed hard. “I don’t want you to have to change anything just because of me. I don’t like—just the thought of it makes me feel…” I shook my head. I didn’t even know how to put into words what I was feeling.
Lea squeezed my hand. “Well I like having you here and I’m very, very selfish, so if keeping you here means I have to makesome minor adjustments, I’ll gladly do it. It’s not a big deal, Beau. I promise.”
A ray of sunlight flashed across one of his eyes as he moved. He was wearing the most earnest expression, and something twisted in my stomach.
God, he was so, so beautiful.
“Yeah,” I said softly. “All right.”
The playfulness in his eyes became more subdued. “On a serious note, I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I’m proud of you. You should always speak up when something is making you uncomfortable. I haven’t known you very long, Beau, but I’ve noticed a few things, and something tells me it took a lot for you to admit anything at all to Shea.”
“I’ll stay,” I said quietly.
Lea sat up straighter. “Wait, really? You will?” The excitement in his voice made my stomach flip, and this giddy lightness settled over me.
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s—nice here.” I met Lea’s eyes, wanting him to know just how sincerely I appreciated him. “Thank you, Lea.”
“For what?”
“For—for apologizing when you didn’t really have to. And for being accommodating. And talking with me like this. I have a hard time with—with confrontation, and…I really appreciate…this,” I finished awkwardly.