I pushed and shoved them away again, fighting to get close to him, utterly undeterred by the call for security as we ran with the gurney into the bright white lights of the hospital.
I winced against the sudden light into submission, until I clearly saw the rise and fall under the too pale skin of Drew’s chest. He struggled to stay with us. His fight was weak. He looked too ghostly under these bright lights, his lips a blue tint under the mask they’d placed there, and his face whiter than the pure driven snow. The sight of it was terrifying, but I swallowed my endless sobs and ran alongside him, ignoring their continued encouragement for me to step aside.
They slowed at a set of doors.
“You can’t go any further.”
“He’s in the best place.”
“We just want to help.”
“You have to let us do our jobs.”
“Let us save him.”
And that was the one that finally stuck.
“Let us save him.”
I shuddered violently to a stop as they continued, and I watched as Drew disappeared through a set of swinging doors with a team of doctors. Arms barred me, pushing me back as the doors swung closed and locked me out, away from my only lifeline.
“Let us save him.”
“Let us save him.”
“Let us save him.”
“Save him,” I quietly demanded of no one in particular while standing feebly on weakened legs, my arms wrapped around my stomach, trying to hold everything together as my world crumbled and shattered into painful shards around me.
I wasn’t sure how long I was standing alone there—waiting.
People and staff came and went through those doors over and over again, walking around me as I stared at the seam of the doors waiting for someone who would tell me what was going on.
Eventually, a kindly woman in scrubs stepped out from them, and with a small sympathetic sigh wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me into a small area with chairs and vending machines.
I sat, and she took the seat next to mine, her voice a murmur as she asked questions and offered reassurances that went unanswered. I trembled so violently, my teeth made an awful clicking sound, and the tears continued to fall. I knew it was helping nothing, achieving nothing, but the fear of losing Drew, the very thought of not seeing him scowling at me when I did something stupid or seeing that smile he gave me when no one else was looking, or the touch of his strong hands when I needed him the most… it all crushed me.
I had shared so many firsts with Drew in our short time together. I’d discovered so much about who I was when I was loved by the right person. But I hadn’t learned every one of his emotions yet. I hadn’t taught myself what every line on his handsome face meant. I hadn’t explored every scar and muscle on his body. I hadn’t had enough time to worship him the way he deserved to be worshipped.
I wasn’t ready for everything that we’d shared to be the last of anything.
Our last kiss.
Our last I love you.
Our last smile.
I hadn’t had him long enough.
He was my forever, and the thought of saying goodbye crushed me under the weight of it.
I was barely aware that the nurse stayed with me until some familiar faces began crowding the room around me. I wasn’t even sure who the faces belonged to.
I was numb and cold, unable to see anything but the door that Drew had disappeared through, my heart barely held together by the last string of hope that I would see him again as people moved around me.
I think The Hounds came in first. The faces I saw were bruised and covered in blood, each one heartbroken and cautious as they studied me like I was a bomb that was about to go off.
The Babylon Police Department showed up in force looking pained, unsure how to approach me or what to do as they set themselves up as a barrier between The Hounds and the ATF.