Janine’s eyebrows arched. ‘Is that okay?’
‘Janine, it’s thanks to you that we know what happened to Lex. I owe you more than I can ever repay.’
‘You owe me nothing,’ Janine said, squeezing his arm. ‘But if you’re sure, then I’d love to keep something of Alexa’s. Thank you.’
Nodding, Otis held his arm out to assist Janine with the stairs.
It was hard for Otis not to wallow in guilt over the way things turned out. Had he not let pride rule him and had he gone to the police sooner, Janine may never have been in Katherine’s house that day. Never have almost died. But fears his wife was cheating haddriven Otis’s choices. It had been foolish to hide the bank withdrawals and diary because he was scared of what they might mean. He had lost Lex anyway, and Janine was left paying the price of his mistakes.
When they reached the third door on the landing, Otis stopped. ‘This is it. Lex’s office.’
The crack in his voice made Janine reach for him. ‘Otis, if you need more time—’
‘No,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘No more time. No more pain. I’m ready for this.’
With those words, Otis Clarke walked away. Janine watched him go, knowing that guilt would always press down on his shoulders, no matter how much money he raised or how many families he helped.
When Otis was gone, Janine pushed open the door to Alexa’s office. A laugh escaped her as a stream of sunlight illuminated the pastel walls. The pale colours were so similar to the walls of Janine’s own writing space, it was uncanny.
Entering the room, tears came to Janine’s eyes as she saw how much of Alexa’s personality paralleled her own. A polka dot mug sat on the desk, chipped like Janine’s favourite one at home. A rainbow-shaped stationery holder contained a selection of pens from the same brand that Janine liked to write with. Notebooks with patterned covers were stacked on a shelf, bought in the hope that the stunning designs would ensure the prose written inside was equally as beautiful.
Then there were objects that were uniquely Alexa. A framed print of an Anna Ancher painting. A filing cabinet Janine knew would be full of the paperwork Alexa struggled to throw away. A rose-scented hand cream perched on the white desk.
And the bookshelves – as impressive as a library’s, they contained many of Janine’s favourites. Her eyes drifted across the spines,scanning the names of iconic authors that popped from them. Margaret Atwood, Sally Hepworth, Toni Morrison… then Janine’s gaze settled on three books she recognised.
One thing united them: the name S. K. Atherton.
The pen-name still belonged to Janine, but her next book would not be published under it. In a turn of events that surprised even her, Janine was currently working on a different kind of novel. A romance about a couple who were nearly torn apart by infertility but found their way back to each other. The tonal change felt both therapeutic and exciting.
Janine’s repaired pelvis twinged as she moved towards her books. She plucked them from the shelf. Delight overcame her as she observed the creased spines and frayed corners. That they had been so well read was more beautiful to Janine than if they had been pristine.
She carried the books to the desk, but as she went to set them down, Janine noticed a piece of paper sticking out of her most recent novel. Sliding it from the book, she unfolded it to reveal a handwritten note.
My love, you have been so patient with me, so kind. You have shown me that an end is a beginning in disguise, and you have been a friend above all else. In the space of a few short months, you have brought me back to life.
Now I am ready for a fresh start, far away from here. Us, together, like we always talk about. I have found a place in Denmark. We could make it our new home.
If you are ready to leave everything behind and come with me, then I am ready for the future. Whatever it looks like, as long as it is with you.
All my love, Alexa
The ground beneath Janine’s feet shifted as everything she thought she knew about Alexa Clarke crumbled. Reading the note again, she hunted for a clue as to who it was for.
A fresh start, our new home– could that mean the note was meant for Otis? Otis, who needed to know that his wife had not given up on their marriage, no matter what people said?
The space of a few short months– did that mean Simon? Simon, who insisted his time with Alexa was platonic and who was about to welcome a baby with Annalise?
A friend above all else– was that referring to Jim, whose friendship only came to light after Alexa’s death?
Who had Alexa Clarke seen a future with? A future so promising it had given her hope during her darkest days?
Janine’s mind only stopped racing when Kamal called her from the foot of the stairs. ‘Everything okay up there?’
Her mouth opened and closed, wondering how to answer that question.
‘Janine?’
Slipping the note back into the book, Janine made a decision. It wasn’t a choice she made lightly, but she knew secrets were powerful things. Like writers, a secret was both the creator and the destroyer of worlds. And the person holding the pen, the one unveiling the secret? Well, they had to be prepared for the fallout, whatever that may be.
‘Everything’s fine. I’ll be down in a minute,’ she called. Tucking the book under her arm, Janine chose the object she would remember Alexa by. Someone flawed, someone human, someone who was loved.
Then, with one last look around the office, Janine left the room and walked away, vowing that Alexa Clarke’s final secret would stay hidden, forever.