“How is your head?” Mister Charlie touched it like he was checking for a fever, then looked into his eyes. “I think we should go back to the hotel. There will be more riding tomorrow.”
“I think… I think that’s a good idea. I’ll text Roper. He’ll have to do after parties and stuff.” And he was embarrassed and ashamed, and he needed a shower.
He felt dirty, as if he’d done something bad.
Mister Charlie helped him up. “Tell him he’s welcome to come to the suite to see you any time.”
“I will. Are you sure? You’ll miss the winner. I don’t want to ruin your first event.” Ryder cared about Charles.
He got a smile and Charles touched his chin. “There are other nights. I saw Roper ride. That was enough for the first night. You need a little quiet time, and I want to look after you, as you always look after me. Come on.”
“Okay…yes, sir.” He had to force himself not to dip his head into the touch.
“Good boy.” Mister Charlie smiled at him as they made their way out of the venue.
12
Charles escorted Ryder back to their suite and sat him on the couch in the common room while he found another bottle of water. Making sure the cowboy got some rest was easy enough, but something else was bothering him.
That apology.
Why on earth would Ryder feel like he needed to apologize so profusely—even to the extent of asking for forgiveness—for something like this? Something that was perfectly understandable, human, and over which Ryder obviously had no control in any case?
It bothered him. Upset him even. He didn’t understand.
Ryder was pale as milk, cheeks sporting a flush almost like a fever.
“Are you still feeling sick? Would you prefer to go lie down?” He sat with Ryder, close enough that the man might take some comfort in his presence. He couldn’t imagine what Ryder was going through, what horrors he’d seen when, for a moment, Roper couldn’t seem to get free of the bull. He felt compelled to help, though, any manner Ryder would let him.
“No. No, I’m solid. I just got a shot of adrenaline, that’s all.” Ryder found him a smile that was almost not-shaky.
“You don’t have to smile, Ryder. You don’t have to be okay. If you are, wonderful, but if not, you can be honest. You can tell me. We’re friends, right?” At least friends. He wasn’t going to lie to himself either. Ryder was starting to feel closer.
“We are. I feel stupid for freaking out. I’m not the type to, you know?”
“Nor am I, but it’s happened on occasion. Are you the keep it all in and carry on type? I know that trap well. You have to let yourself feel what you’re feeling; it’s the only way to move beyond it.”
“That’s tough for cowboys. We’re taught not to. You know, cowboy up or get in the truck and all that. I just… I’m always the one who’s close enough to get him, but I don’t like being scared.”
“I feel like your reaction was bigger than being scared. Has he never had a close call before? Surely this is not the first time. It’s just your first time back.”
“Exactly. We’re bull riders. We have close calls all the time. This is the first one since the big wreck.” Ryder shook his head. “It was serious enough that Doc said I couldn’t come back.”
“That had to be a terrible moment.”
“I knew before anyone said.” Ryder was calming down as they sat together. “My folks came out, all my brothers. My grampa and gran. All of them. They thought it was over.”
Ryder’s family had to have been terrified. “But it wasn’t, and you’re here. Recovery takes strength; moving on to something new takes courage.”
“You know it. I had no idea what to do. Roper was the one who suggested I try this. He says I’m made for it.”
He couldn’t disagree. “And what do you think?”
“I like taking care of things to make your life better. It’s…incredibly satisfying.”
He had to smile. “I find it quite satisfying myself.” He hadn’t ever thought of himself as the type of man who would benefit from someone like Ryder. At this point, Ryder was so much more than a personal assistant. It wasn’t just a job for Ryder, and he didn’t feel like an employer.
Ryder touched his hand. “I’m sorry you lost your husband, but I hope I make things a little better, easier.”