“Okay.” He could hear the uncertainty in Neil’s voice, the worry.
“It’s okay. Alain knows you love him. But you and I both know you can’t be what he needs yet. What he needs is your confidence, and I will help you find it. Block out all the noise, boy.” He set his coffee down and got up from his seat, giving Alain’s shoulder a squeeze before he moved to Neil’s side. “All you need to be is mine.”
“I am yours, Sir. I said that.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You said it. I didn’t feel it, and neither did you. Dig deeper, boy. All you need to be is mine. Let the rest go. You’re mine no matter what.”
Neil tried to stare him down, and Isaac could feel the frustration and worry, the panic and fear in his boy.
He stared right back, leaning closer. “No matter what. Let the rest go. No matter how much pain, no matter how much fear, forget the walker, forget it all.” He didn’t so much as blink. He didn’t dare. “No matter what. You’re mine. You aremyboy. I understand what you need. I love you more than anyone. You belong to me.”
Neil reached out for him, squeezing his fingers. “I do. I was trying to protect you; you have to understand.”
He squeezed back. “You did. You have.” Poor boy. He couldn’t begin to imagine the stress and the worry Neil had been keeping from him for so long. He ghosted his fingers over Neil’s cheek. “You’re my good boy. My brave, strong boy. We’re safe, and so are you.”
Neil’s eyes went unfocused, and he began to pant, and he heard Alain whimper.
“Let it go, boy.” He bent and pressed their foreheads together, pushing Neil a little, holding onto that intensity. “Take a deep breath with me and let it out. You can breathe. You can. You can scream, you can shake, you can fall apart. You can, because I’m right here, and you’re mine. I’m here now. All you have to be is mine.”
“I don’t want to be scared anymore, Master. You have to know that. I was so fucking scared when I knew it was going bad. They were sending a message, and—” Neil’s eyes seemed to almost blaze. “I was a good cop, dammit!”
“You put bad people away. You were a good cop. You’re retired now, that’s all. You’re moving on, and you don’t have to be scared. None of us do, because you made sure of that.”
“Moving on. Yeah, I’m not ready to talk about that, Sir. Not yet.”
He leaned back, watching Neil and crossed his arms. “Not ready to talk about what, boy?”
“Moving on. I’m not there. I’m nowhere near.” Neil frowned at him. “I need more time.”
“I’m in no hurry. Let that go too. You’re getting in your own way. Who are you?”
“Yours! I’m yours. I heard you.”
“Good boy.” He glanced at Alain and waved him over. There was too much distance between them for Alain’s comfort, he understood that. “Come on, sweetheart.”
Alain hopped up, hand on Neil’s face for a second, then his, trying to comfort.
“Sweet boy.” He kissed Alain’s palm, then put an arm around the boy and pulled him close. “It’s good work. I promise.” He held Neil’s hand too, thumb sliding over Neil’s fingers. “Emotional, but good.”
Alain’s eyes searched his and the boy was shivering, but he nodded. “Yes, Sir. Good work. Yes, Sir.”
“Don’t you worry, Kitten. Don’t you worry about me.”
“You remember when you were recovering that you had some hard work to do? And look where you are now. Neil has some hard work to do too, and he’ll be better for it. We’re here for him. Worrying wastes the energy we can use to help instead.”
“Yes, Sir. You tell me how to help, and I’ll help.” There was a wealth of truth in those words.
He smiled at Neil, but his words were for Alain. “I’ll let you know when I figure it out myself.”
“Yes, Sir.” Alain chuckled softly. “Master Cyrus says this part is almost the worst.”
“Master Cyrus would know.” He let Alain go and picked up a water, handing it to Neil. “I love you.” He went back to get a bottle for himself. “All right, boys. Alain, why don’t you pick a movie that Neil can fall asleep watching?”
“Yes, Sir. You want dinosaurs, Chou?”
“I don’t care. Pick something and go with it.” Neil’s eyes closed almost immediately.
“Dinosaurs sounds good.” He’d give Alain the snuggle he needed. Maybe they’d doze off too.