“It’s tolerable now that we’ve recovered it, I suppose.” He was teasing, he really had nothing against it; it was just fun to give his boy a hard time. He let Neil lean on him and lowered him slowly. Neil really did most of the work; his upper body strength was fairly impressive of late. “And…legs.” He took both knees in his hands and held them together as Neil shifted into the chair.
“Uh-huh. Legs.” Neil bit his lips as he sat, tearing at the skin.
“Hurts, huh? Don’t do that.” He pointed. “The lip thing. Just…be honest.” He took his seat again and picked up his coffee so he could sip it and give Neil a moment.
“I wanted them to send me home, so I stopped bitching. I needed y’all.” Neil licked his lips, and he thought that his boy had been holding things back for much longer than rehab.
“Fine. We all wanted you home, I understand. But you’re home now, and I don’t want you keeping anything from me. I need to know. Alain too. We’re your future, so let us help you get on with it.”
“I hear you, Guapo. I wasn’t being an ass. I swear to you. Not at all.”
“Y’all want anything else to drink?” Alain came out, drying his hands on a dish towel.
He took advantage of the interruption. “Three water bottles, please, boy. And then you can come kneel here next to the couch while I talk with Neil.”
“Yes, Sir.” Alain offered him a warm smile before wandering back to the kitchen.
Neil’s eyebrow lifted, but that was the only change in his expression.
He suspected that expression would change more dramatically in a moment, his boy wasn’t going to like this talk. “So curious. There are some things we need to work out before we can have a meaningful scene, even a simple one. You have some physical realities, and we need to discuss what is and isn’t appropriate right now.”
“Fair enough. I don’t know that I even have anything in me right now.”
“Well, we can start by reminding you that ‘Sir’ is still appropriate for this sort of moment.” He said that softly, with as much affection as he could and followed it with a wink, but this was one of the things they all needed help with. Remembering they had specific needs, and some formalities and routines were healthy and important.
Neil chuckled softly, smiled at him. “Point taken…” He let the pause hang, the return tease warm and familiar. “… Sir.”
He dropped his voice low and smiled. “Mmm. I like it.” He paused when Alain returned with their waters and got comfortable on his knees beside him. “Thank you, boy.”
“Yes, Sir. My pleasure.” Alain leaned into his legs, eyes on Neil.
Alain needed no reminders on that score since they’d had their talk about Neil; the boy had leaned into their relationship hard.
“So, you can’t kneel yet, which has always been a physical way to help you focus, so I think we need to discuss some alternatives. I may have an idea, but I’d like to hear your thoughts first.”
Neil blinked at him like an owl. “Honestly, I haven’t thought about much, Sir. I been focused on…well, other things, I guess. I had two goals—deal with my work problem and get my ass home to y’all.”
“I know, and that’s fine. I guess I’ve had too much to think.” This is why they needed to talk. He wanted to help Neil find his headspace again, but now he knew he needed to slow down a little. “So for now, we’ll just try this—drop your head back and tilt your chin up so you can look up at the ceiling. Try to find a position that’s comfortable.” He didn’t want the boy to close his eyes and risk dozing off, but he didn’t want to make eye contact either. “And then think about the answer to this question—who are you?”
He saw the double wince, from both his boys. Neil’s was hidden better, because he had things to hide, and because he was already moving. Alain’s was clear and sympathetic, because their boy knew how hard this was for Neil.
Isaac had to wonder how long it would be before Alain tried to intervene.
He sipped his coffee as they sat there in silence. He hadn’t asked for an answer yet, but he would. Neil would make this complicated and then he would make it simple.
Alain watched both of them, then sighed silently and leaned against him. He ran his fingers through Alain’s hair, knowing he was anxious. “Good boy,” he whispered. Neil hadn’t moved a muscle. “Let’s have your answer, Neil. Take your time.”
“I don’t know what you’re asking, Sir. I mean, I’m y’all’s. I’m a cop, a lover, a Texan, a jackass. I’m a whistleblower, which makes me either a traitor or a hero. I’m tired and wore, but that ain’t a who, that’s a what.”
That was a fair answer, better than he’d expected. Calmer for sure. He looked at Alain. “Do you have anything to add to that answer?”
“He’s my Chou, Sir, and ours, yours and mine.”
He nodded. “Yes. He is. Specifically, he is your Dom, and he is my sub. And that’s what I want to focus on today, boy.” He kept his focus on Neil, speaking slowly. “You’re my sub, who also happens to be a Texan. You’re my sub, who also happens to be a cop, a lover, a hero. You’re my sub, who also happens to be Alain’s Dom. But you are my sub under all of it.”
“Under all of it, hmm?” Neil sighed and smiled. “I have to tell you—I don’t feel… I don’t feel like me yet.”
“Of course not. And that’s partly because that foundation is miles away. I want to bring it right up front. You don’t need to be all of those other things right now. All you need to be…is mine.”