Safe? How could he be when Neil was scared, and Isaac was worried. He didn’t know how to be. “I just need Neil home, oui? Just need him home and safe. I’m running hard and trying to be what they need.”
“You need to stop, boy.” Brandon’s tone was sure, but gentle. “You’re taking on more than you need to. You shouldn’t have to work so hard. Have you talked with Isaac about this?”
“He’s busy!” The last thing M’sieur needed was him whining. “They are counting on me. I love them!”
“Alain!” Brandon’s tone had a little edge to it this time. “Listen to me, boy. You will kneel in the bedroom until one of us gets there. Am I clear?”
He sobbed once. “Oh, Master, I want to, but… I cain’t. I have to start supper for him. What will he eat if I don’t? I don’t want to be bad.”
“Boy. Do not set foot in that kitchen. You go kneel in that bedroom until I get there, or Isaac gets home. The only thing I want to hear now is ‘Yes, Sir.’ Am I being very clear?”
“Yes, Sir.” He was in trouble, and he wasn’t even sure why. He’d been trying so hard to be good.
“Good boy, Alain. I’m sure you’re confused, but you’re all right. Just trust me and sit tight, one of us will be there very soon.”
“Okay.” He hung up and sat there for a long time, his belly filled with acid. Then he stood and wandered into the bedroom, punching a pillow a few dozen times before he picked it up and screamed into it.
He was kneeling though, by the time someone came in the door. It was Master Doctor, he was sure, because he heard the briefcase hit the floor, the keys jingle as they were hung up, and he recognized Isaac’s quick, light steps in the hall.
Master came in quietly, and a gentle, warm hand rested on his shoulder before any words were said. “I’m home, boy.”
“Evenin’, M’sieur.” He rubbed his cheek against Master Doctor’s hand. “You hungry?”
Maybe he could order a pizza for them.
“No. But I’m concerned about you. Brandon called me.” That touch grew heavier, both hands massaging his shoulders, finding all the tension there.
“I’m sorry, Sir. Peter and me were chatting.” And Peter involved Mr. Brandon.
“No need to be sorry. Tell me what’s going on.” Master Doctor sounded patient, easy, not upset at him at all.
“I just—I got Chou set up, and he’s doing good, ’cept they won’t let us stay, and I came home to do his laundry and—” And he was tired and worried, and worse, he knew Neil was scared. Of lots of stuff.
Of not working. Of hurting. Of who had shot him. Of things Alain couldn’t quite get.
“They called me to say they’d given him something to help him sleep. He was very upset, I know. He’s got a lot on his mind, boy, and it’s a new place. I can’t blame him.”
“No. No, I don’t blame him at all.” Of course he didn’t. This was hard. This was nasty for him, and he wasn’t the one that got shot. Master Neil was a stud.
Master moved to the little bench at the foot of the bed and pointed to the floor at his feet, inviting him over. Or maybe that was an order. “So now I want you to tell me what’s going on with you. All of it. Everything.”
“I don’t understand. Have I done something wrong?” He searched Isaac’s eyes. “I swear, M’sieur, I’m trying my dead-level best.”
“Of course you are. You’re a good boy, Alain. I know that. You’ve done nothing but your best from the moment I met you. You’re not in any kind of trouble, and you’ve done nothing wrong. Okay? I promise.” Master waved him over again and he went, kneeling as best he could. “But I think we need to talk about some basic things. Important things, like service and submission. I want to make sure we have an understanding, that’s all.”
“Yes, Sir.” He was going to throw up. He’d had just about all he could take today.
“This is not the time to keep secrets from each other, boy. Okay? Times like this that are scary and exhausting and uncertain, we have to be one force against all of it. Together. It’s too much for any one person to manage alone, and we’re not alone.”
No, they weren’t alone, even if part of them was missing right now. He leaned in, resting one cheek on Master Doctor’s knee. “I’m just trying to be good to y’all, you know that, right, M’sieur? I love you both. I want y’all to be okay.”
“I know. You’re doing everything you can. I think you might even be doing too much.” Isaac caught his chin. “You should not carry our burdens. Does that make sense? We’re all worried, we’re all a little nervous about the future. But these are conversations we need to have, not hide. Nobody gets to keep a secret. Nobody can whisper something to one that the other doesn’t hear. It doesn’t work that way. And I’m—Brandon seemed to feel that you are keeping things to yourself because you don’t want to burden me. Is that true?”
He nodded, because it was. Something was wrong in Neil’s soul. Chou cried out in his sleeping, sometimes, and it was more than low.
“That’s a good boy. Thank you for being honest.” Master smoothed a hand over his head, combed through his hair, stroked his cheek. “Will you tell me what it is?”
He squeezed his eyes closed tight. This wasn’t his to tell, and what if he was wrong? What if he made Neil mad? Or Isaac? What if they decided they didn’t love him no more?