“Are you telling me you’d be okay with long distance? Because somehow, I don’t think that’d suit you very well.”
He knew it just as much as I did. Duke was an all-or-nothing man. He didn’t do anything half-assed, and when he loved, he loved with everything he had.
“Do I want to do it forever? Fuck no. But would I do it for a while if it meant you were still mine? In a heartbeat.”
All of that sounded great. Fantastic, even. But neither of us knew how long I’d have to be gone, especially if whatever was included in his succession plan forced me to board a plane without looking back.
Duke braced himself upright against the dresser. When I said nothing, he sobered. “It doesn’t matter, does it? It doesn’t matter what I say or if I get down on my knees and beg.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve made up your mind, and that’s it.”
I’d never hated myself more than I did in that moment. Seeing him break was more than I could stand, and yet I forced myself to watch as the first tear fell down his cheek.
I did this.
I broke a good man’s heart because I was too goddamn scared to break a promise to a dead one.
This was why I didn’t let anyone see the real me, because it was all a lie. The real Olivia was a scared little girl who’d never found her voice. And she was about to let one of the best thingsthat’d ever happened to her walk out the door because she couldn’t speak up.
Just tell him you love him, Olivia. Tell him to wait. Tell him that time and distance and whatever other bullshit doesn't matter. Tell him he’s yours and you’re his.
But I didn’t. And I couldn’t.
“I’m gonna sleep down the hall tonight,” Duke said, crossing the room to grab his packed duffel bag.
“No,please…” I said, dropping off the bed to my knees. I reached for his feet, but he stepped away. My panic rose until it was nearly suffocating. “We could have one more night. We could?—”
“Olivia,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t lie next to you in that bed and pretend anymore. It’s fucking killing me. This,” he waved his hand in the air, “is fucking killing me. I’ve been the second option before. While I want to believe we’d find a way to work it out, I just don’t know that I believe you’d ever step away. I can’t—I won’t—let myself hope for a scrap of your time and attention if it isn’t headed for forever.”
I watched him trudge to the door. He opened it, letting his hand rest there for a moment. “I hope you find something or someone that brings you enough joy to want to stay one day.” He patted the frame. “I just wish it’d been me.”
Everything stopped as I slid to the floor. The world stood still as I stared at the place Duke Bennett had just been.
I didn’t hear the sound of his footsteps down the hall, nor the sound of my family creeping up the stairs.
I didn’t see Cleo open the door.
I didn’t feel her arms around me as she helped me into bed and held me as I cried.
DUKE
Rolling over,I blinked at the harsh light streaming in from the window overlooking the lake. I hadn’t slept for shit, spending most of my night pacing a hole in the floor outside Olivia’s room to keep myself from going in. It’d been hard enough to walk away. To force myself to leave her sobbing on the bedroom floor and close the door behind me.
I didn’t remember how I got outside, but when Cleo saw me sitting by myself on the porch steps with my head in my hands, she immediately went to check on Olivia.
At least she wouldn’t be alone.
It’d taken every ounce of self-control I had not to immediately barge back in, pick her up, and tell her how sorry I was for the mess I made. After all, she’d told me time and again that she never intended to stay in Pinecrest, but I hadn’t listened. Or maybe I was just delusional enough to think I could change her mind.
I should’ve known better than that.
What we had together had been too good not to pursue. Even if I could go back in time and tell myself then what I knewnow, it wouldn’t change anything. I’d still take that shot with her, knowing how badly it’d burn in the end.
I did, however, regret using John’s words as ammunition in my anger. Saying that her choice to remain in a career she hated wouldn’t bring back two of the most important people in her life was a low fucking blow. The words had tumbled out before I could stop them. I hated myself for it.
I sat up, scrubbing my hands over my face. I had no idea what was waiting for me outside these walls. How was I supposed to act like Olivia and I weren’t in the worst sort of pain imaginable? The wound was too fresh.
When Sarah left, she hadn’t lingered. She just packed up her shit and drove off into the sunset, but I still had to linger in Olivia’s presence until I was safely home in my cabin. Even that wasn’t free of her presence. I’d still get whiffs of her sweet perfume as I slept. Or picture her spread out on my bar when I went to work.
Now, I’d have to live with those memories haunting me forever, and mourn them when they finally faded.