I didn’t want to think about leaving my family behind for a career I didn’t want.
Most of all, I didn’t want to think about missing out on the first thing that’d made me feel alive in years.
“What if I came with you?” I asked. “I’m sure there’s something I can do to help, right?”
Lukas set his suitcase down and turned to look at me. “Spill. What’s going on?”
I laughed, but he didn’t. “What do you mean? I’m just trying to help.”
“No, you’re trying to distract yourself. You do this every time you’re experiencing anything resembling big feelings.”
“Um, no, I don’t.”
“You’re such a liar,” Lukas said, shaking his head. “Livvy, you set yourself up in a marriage of convenience because you were so goddamn impatient to prove yourself to the board. You didn’t want to have to worry about falling in love, or getting your heartbroken.”
“That was a business decision,” I said, crossing my arms. “And it worked out for not only me, but Grady as well.”
“Do you remember what happened when you found out you were pregnant with Charlie? Because I sure as fuck do.”
Honestly, I was hoping he’d forgotten about that whole fiasco because it definitely wasn’t my finest moment. In a moment of absolute and blind panic, I asked Lukas to do a complete renovation on mine and Grady’s house just outside ofNashville. I paid him double his fee just so he’d drop everything to get it done, but I didn’t tell him I was pregnant.
When it came time to decide how to decorate what was to become Charlie’s room, I panicked, blurted out that I was four months along, and left the room. When he tried to talk to me about it, I insisted the pregnancy wasn’t a big deal.
And then I cried in his arms for over an hour.
It got so bad that he had to call Grady and beg him to come home just to console me. When my crying had subsided, I moved on as if nothing had happened.
“Vaguely,” I said, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.
My brother sighed, rounding the corner of his bed to stand in front of me. “Livvy, I know you’re scared of being forced to confront John’s death alone.”
“I am not. I’ve already made peace with it.” No, I hadn’t, but I couldn’t very well admit that to him while I had a point to prove. “We knew it was going to happen; it was just a matter of time.”
“Knowing it was going to happen doesn’t lessen the hurt,” he said, bracing his hands on my shoulders. “A fact which I know drives you nuts.”
I batted his hands away. “No, I just wanted to spend more time with you because I know my time here is coming to an end. That’s all.”
That part wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.
“Why don’t you call Duke, then? I’m sure he could keep you company.”
“Why would you think that?” The words left my mouth in a rush. “That’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”
“I know you think I’m an idiot, but give me some credit,” Lukas deadpanned. “I have two eyes and a working brain.”
“I’m not so sure on that last part,” I mumbled, breaking away from his gaze.
My brother stepped back and walked toward his suitcase. “I’m not here to tell you what to do. You’re a grown ass adult and can make your own decisions.” He paused, waiting for me to meet his eyes. “I just hope you don’t regret them one day.”
After spendinghours attempting to distract myself, I wasn’t sure how I ended up here. One moment, I was pacing the length of the guest cottage, chewing my lip anxiously until it bled, and the next I found myself sitting in my car, staring at the bright red neon sign that read Frank’s Bar.
Realistically, I knew exactly why I was there, and it was a bad idea.
A horrible, incredibly stupid bad idea that didn’t stop me in the slightest.
Reaching up, I flipped my visor open and stared at myself in the tiny lighted mirror. I left my hair down, only curling back my bangs so they framed my face better. I told myself it was only because it was easier than perfecting my signature updo, not because a certain bartender seemed to prefer it that way. My makeup was minimal, but flawless. A little bit of concealer and mascara went a long way to hide the fact that the last few nights had been restless. If I wasn’t lying awake, overanalyzing every single detail that led me to my current predicament, I was getting kicked in the shins by Charlie as she tossed and turned all night.
Good luck to her future partner.