John looked to his niece and smiled weakly. “I’m not sorry.”
“I know you’re not.” She patted his hand. “I’ll leave you two boys to yap now. If you need anything, just tell Duke to yell for me.”
“If he needs anything, I can get it for him.” I strode across the room and sat in the chair next to his bed. “I know my way around the house just as well as you do.”
Olivia stood there, mouth parted slightly, an argument already forming on her lips. “But?—”
“Take a break, Olivia. I’ve got him.” There was no malice in my words. No insistence that she couldn’t take care of him when I knew damn well she could. But I also noticed the way her shoulders fell in relief when I told her to rest.
If I could give her a few minutes of peace, I’d consider my day well spent.
She slipped out the door and closed it behind her. When I turned back toward John, his eyes were trained on the spot she just left. “That girl has always been so damn smart, but stubborn, too. Sometimes stupidly so.”
“That doesn’t seem very nice.”
“The truth almost never is,” John grumbled.
I leaned back in my chair. “Dying really changes a man.”
He chuckled lightly before gesturing for his water, which I helped hand over. We sat in silence for a long moment until he finished. “That’s true. Makes you see everything in a differentlight. What’s important, what’s not, and all the shit in between.” He paused, pointing to the door as he struggled to catch his breath. “I fear that girl won’t learn that lesson until it’s too late.”
What shit could John possibly be talking about? He lived a good life. Devoted time and energy to his family and his company, catapulting it into a success no one could have ever imagined.
From what little I knew, Olivia had taken her role as CEO seriously. While I had judged her for it previously, before I saw the way Charlie hung onto every word she spoke and how she loved that girl more than words could ever say, I now knew there was no way she would’ve taken the job if she felt her daughter would suffer.
“She’s got a good head on her shoulders,” I said. “She’ll figure it out. Give her some credit.”
John snorted. “Weren’t you in my office crying over that no-good ex-wife of yours not six months ago?”
I remembered that day with startling clarity. Despite Sarah packing her bags two years ago, it’d been moving into that goddamn cabin that’d nearly undid me—the look on Harper’s face as she watched so many of our things be sold or put into storage because we couldn’t fit them in our place.
Grady offered to take her for the night to help ease the transition, and I hadn’t argued. While I wanted to reach for the bottle, I’d found myself sitting in my truck out front of John’s house instead. He’d always been like a dad to me, so it was natural to turn to him.
I stormed into his office, dropped to my knees, and sobbed for the first time in my life. I told him every deepest fear I had. That I was ruining my daughter’s life, that she would grow up to resent me when she was older. How I wished it would all stop, and I wanted to be better than the miserable, pathetic bastard I was turning into.
And then I told him how I wasn’t sure I could go on anymore. That I struggled to get out of bed most mornings, and how Harper would be better off if she were in someone else’s care. Someone who could give her all the things I couldn’t. Who could make sure she lived a happy and fulfilled life.
I desperately wanted to make the pain go away, because goddammit… It hurt so fucking bad. Ripping my heart out of my chest would’ve been less painful than the disappointment on Harper’s face when she looked around at her bedroom.
John hadn’t said anything. Not right away, at least. He let me cry and bitch and moan until the room descended into an eerie silence and I’d caught my breath. Then he stood from his desk and walked over to me. I watched him, wondering if he was going to slap me and tell me to get my shit together, or tell me I was nothing but a disappointment to him.
Instead, he put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me into him. How long had it been since I experienced a touch of comfort and not disdain? Too fucking long. I lost it again, in his arms, as he stoically told me I would be okay. There were no flowery words or platitudes, just the truth.
I would be okay. Harper would be okay. Everything would be okay.
Of course, he offered to loan us money. When I refused, he offered to put us up in a better place. I couldn’t accept because I knew John, and I knew it wouldn’t be a small two-bedroom rental somewhere in town. It’d be an over-the-top property that I’d never be able to pay him back for.
I couldn’t take anything else from him other than his reassurance. That was the day I knew things had to change. I needed to get my head straight. Not only for my sake, but Harper’s as well.
“That was different,” I said, shifting in my seat. “And you were cheerier yourself back then, too.”
“Because I knew I’d lived my life in a manner I could look back on and smile. A fact I’m grateful for today. Could you imagine being on your deathbed and having regrets?” He shook his head. “I couldn’t. Regrets are for fools.”
Regrets are for fools.
I had so many regrets in my life. Too many, probably. Regret that I’d tried so long to make someone happy who wasn’t happy with herself. Regret that I’d held on in hopes things would change, that they’d get better.
Regret that I’d never be able to find out what Olivia’s kiss tasted like.