I can feel Parker tense at the sound of another man’s name, but he doesn’t say anything. “You’re the furthest thing from heartless. You made me hold a funeral for a dead squirrel you found when we were ten.”
“Well duh, every life has meaning and deserves to be celebrated.”
“You made me write a eulogy.”
“What’s your point?”
“You’re the least heartless person I know, and I can keep listing examples if you need.”
I shift around, keeping my eyes up at the sky. “No, that’s okay. You don’t need to tell me how great I am.”
He nudges me with a small laugh, and I smile. My mind continues to run as it always does, especially at night.
“What do you think about when you go to sleep?” I ask. “I try to play movies in my head, but sometimes I get distracted and think about things I need to do. Or conversations I need to have, or worse…ones I’ve had.”
Parker doesn’t answer right away. I turn to look at him, and he’s still looking up at the stars, so I take the time to examine his face. The scruff on his jaw is shorter than his mustache. I want to feel if it’s rough on my fingertips. His jaw seems sharper than before, and his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows.
“I usually think about memories.”
“What kind?”
He turns toward me, blue eyes shining even in the low light. I swear they flick down to my mouth for just a second before they move back up to meet my own. “It’s always memories of you.”
I swallow roughly, doing everything I can to keep my voice even. “Which ones?”
“Depends. Sometimes it’s innocent things from when we were kids. Sometimes it’s not so innocent.”
I should know better than to ask for clarification. But yet again, my mouth moves faster than my mind. “What not so innocent ones?”
Parker smirks, scooting closer to me, our thighs just barely touching. “I think you knowexactlywhich ones I’m talking about.”
I swallow again, my eyes look down to his mouth, remembering so many firsts with him. Everything was newto both of us. First kiss, first time having sex. Our first everything was with each other. I never thought there would be a time we weren’t each other’s lasts, but here we are. Though, that could change.
“Which is your favorite?” I whisper between us, noticing how much closer we’re getting.
“With you? Everything.”
Parker’s hand is on my thigh, the warmth there feels like it’s burning through my jeans, and I want him to tighten his grip. Maybe move it higher. I don’t know how we got this close, but we have. I feel my breathing start to speed up as our faces get closer. We’ve been in this position recently, but there’s nothing around to stop it now. Only me, and I don’t think I can.
“Lil.” His deep timbre shoots through me. It’s enough to have me closing the small distance between us as my mouth lands on his.
My hands land on his hard chest while his move to grip my face like we’re anchoring to each other. A kiss shouldn’t feel this perfect, this right. I practically lose the ability to sit up and the only thing keeping me from melting onto the bed of this truck is Parker’s hands holding me while his tongue teases the seam of my lips.
I should stop this, but I can’t. Instead, I let him in, knowing I’m letting him in more ways than one. The fear of regretting this lingers in the back of my mind. But I don’t want to stop this yet. I can’t. I want to swing my leg on top of him and straddle his lap, but I hold back. It’s fine like this, it’s just a kiss. We can kiss and it not be anything else.
CHAPTER 22
Parker
Kissing Lily feelslike coming home.
I lose all sense of everything. It’s just her and me, and the world has righted itself once again.
CHAPTER 23
Lily
It’s beena few days since the night Parker and I “snuck out” of my house. A few days since we kissed.