Lily: Mrs. Smith is out flirting with the mailman again.
He leaves me on read and I deflate.
My mom knocks on my bedroom door, poking her head in with a soft smile. “Hi sweetie, how’s packing going?”
I look around my room where not a single thing is packed before answering sarcastically, “Great, I’m basically all done.”
“Did you tell Parker?”
I feel the tears starting to well again, and I will them not to fall. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life crying. I’m unable to say anything, instead just give her a nod.
She steps inside, and I can see the concern on her face. “I assume it didn’t go well.”
This time I shake my head and I’m unable to stop the tears from falling. She sits on my bed, wrapping her arms around me, doing her best to soothe me.
“Am I making a mistake?” I ask through a sob.
“No, honey. I love Parker, you know I do. I think if something is meant to be it will be.”
I can only hope that we really are meant to be and that this isn’t about to ruin everything.
Every day that passes leading up to me leaving has me feeling more and more uneasy because Parker still hasn’t talked to me. I text him every day like normal, but they all remain on read.
The dayI’m leaving arrives, and as my parents and younger brother, Ethan, are helping me load up my car I see Parker pull up. As soon as I hear his truck, I turn to face his direction with my hands on my hips.
He steps out of the cab and I snap, “Now, you want to see me?”
He walks closer to me, but I continue to glare at him for ignoring me. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“And now you do? As I’m about to leave?” I ask in disbelief.
“I just…” He pauses, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
The guilt hits me at once. All my internal battles he doesn’t know anything about. All the times I almost told him but decided one more day wouldn’t hurt. I say the only thing that could be even the smallest excuse. “I wanted us to enjoy the summer without worrying about it.”
He scoffs. “So you decided to tell me at the last possible second instead?”
This is one of those times I wish I could really think before speaking, but the words fly out without a thought, sounding harsher than I intend. “If I waited until the last possible second, I would’ve waited until this moment, actually.”
“You always have a response, don’t you?” He rolls his eyes, shaking his head.
“Yeah, I do, and you always avoid shit, don’t you?” I give him a pointed look, but I know I hit a nerve.
He rears back. “Seriously? Is that what you think I do?”
I shrug because it’s what he’s doing right now. I may be a bit dramatic to say healwaysavoids shit. But this is thefirst big confrontation we’ve had since being a couple and his coping skill was ignoring me for the last several days.
He continues, “That’s really what you think of me? I came here to fight for you. To tell you I want us to try long distance.”
I’m shocked at that confession, but I wish he said something sooner. If he had, maybe my response would be different. But right now I’m annoyed with how he ignored me. If that was how he handled this then how would he handle something long distance? It’s not realistic.
And I know whatisrealistic is that he wants to stay here. This is where he wants to build his life. It’s where I thought I did too, but I’m worried that will change and I can’t hold him back either.
“You really want to do long distance? Parker, be for real right now.”
He looks like I injured him, and I probably did. But I hurt myself in the process because I feel my heart physically breaking as I stand here.
“You don’t? What is this? An excuse to break up with me? I love you, Lil. I want us to be together.”