“I could say the same for you, sweetie.”
“I’m okay,” I try to reassure her, though I’m sure she can see through it. “Really. I’m fine.”
She looks over at Parker, eyes softening as the hurt takes over at seeing her son like that. “Maybe just for a couple hours, but I’ll be back. Then you go home and rest for a while.”
“Okay,” I agree, even though I have no intention of leaving here any time soon. I know my parents will switch off staying with Ethan, so Tulips has been fed and taken out. I do think about Franki and speak up as Jackie collects her purse. “Will you go by Parker’s to check on Franki?”
“Of course,” she agrees easily.
We hug goodbye, and I’m impressed with myself that I don’t fall into a ball of tears once again. I want to mentally give myself a high five, but as soon as I collapse in the chair next to the hospital bed my non-crying streak ends. I’m also sick of having the distance between us.
I realize it may not be smart, and someone may yell at me, butI don’t care. I want to feel close to him. I can’t have his arms around me, but I can lay with him and that’ll have to be enough for now.
I climb into the hospital bed, careful not to disturb anything. I hate knowing that if Parker were awake right now, he would haul me into his body, hold me and kiss me so hard I couldn’t breathe. Then he’d make love to me all night until I’m coming so many times I forget my name.
I manage to settle next to him; it’s a tight fit, but feeling his body next to me brings a sense of peace I haven’t had since Jameson’s phone call. It’s not completely better, but for right now it feels okay.
I pick up Parker’s hand, and move it onto my stomach, resting it there. I swear I feel him move just a tiny amount, but it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I close my eyes, holding my hand over his.
“I already know this baby is going to be the most loved human in the world,” I whisper between us. I turn my head into Parker’s side a little more. “I came back to you, now it’s your turn to come back to me.”
CHAPTER 47
Lily
Several days pass,and Parker is now breathing on his own, but he’s still not alert. I crawl into his bed every night to sleep next to him. I was told I’m not allowed to do that, but all the nurses turn a blind eye and don’t kick me out. It also helps that they know me; even though I work in a different department it doesn’t take long for word to spread through the whole hospital.
Tonight is no different. I intertwine my fingers with his as I settle against him and close my eyes. After a few seconds I swear I feel him squeeze my hand, not hard, in fact it was so slight I’m convinced I imagined it. But when it happens again, this time he squeezes for longer and my eyes shoot open. I look at our hands and see him loosen his grip, so I know it’s real.
I sit up. “Parker? Can you hear me?” I start to cry once again.
He doesn’t respond, but does grip my hand again, and I collapse onto his chest. “I love you. I love you so much, please wake up.”
He doesn’t respond, doesn’t even squeeze my handagain and I settle back against him. I try not to feel disappointed because he gave me something. I just hope that tomorrow he’ll give me more.
As I’m drifting off to sleep, I swear I hear the smallest noise come from him. It’s not a word, more like a grunt or a groan from deep in his chest. I lay completely still waiting for more, but nothing happens. With that I finally fall asleep.
Over the last few days, I’ve had several dreams that take me back to when everything was better. Then I wake up and reality smacks me in the face. I dream of the field and lying in Parker’s truck. I dream of the stars above us while our bodies come together. I think about the times we snuck out, even when we didn’t need to. I dream about times when Franki would love on me, only to turn around and hiss at Parker.
It just makes me miss the good times even more.
But as I start to wake up, I don’t even remember where I am. When I shift and hear my name mumbled in that deep timbre, I snuggle closer to the muscular chest that I wish I could imprint my face into.
“Lil,” he mumbles again, and I hum, shifting onto my side.
Then, I hear the beeping from a machine and remember I’m in the hospital. In a hospital bed. Parker’s hospital bed.
But Parker just said my na?—
I shoot up into a sitting position, staring down at him. His face is pinched in pain, but his lips move again. Though I don’t hear anything because I’m jumping out of the bed, afraid I’m hurting him as I call out his name. “Parker?”
He shifts slightly, and his face scrunches even more. “Are you in pain?” I ask quickly, wanting to help him to take it away immediately.
He just groans, and I have never felt so helpless in my life. It’s like all my medical training has left my brain because I don’t know what to do. I want to help him, but I don’t know how. He’s awake.Oh my God he’s awake.
I want to tell him about our baby, and I’m about to do just that, but there’s a knock on the door. The nurse on shift walks in. “He’s awake!” I exclaim before she even finishes her greeting.
So much of the day is a blur while they run more tests on him, give him medication to make him comfortable. I wait for more signs from him that he’s coming back to me. Jackie comes back when several people are in the room and I see her panic right away, but I ease her mind, beelining it right to her. “He’s awake!”