“To apologize.”
“To a girl you claim you can’t stand? Shouldn’t you behappyI’m feeling like this?” Her hands fly out in a sarcasm-laced display of jazz fingers. “Surprise! I’m miserable! Mission accomplished!”
“I don’t want you miserable.” My voice is so low, she has to lean in to catch my words. “I never wanted that, Jo. I only ever wanted to protect you. And somehow, it all got screwed up. Somehow, all I’ve managed to do is hurt you.” I glance down at my sneakers. “I’ll go, okay? I’ll leave. And you can just… pretend I was never here.”
When she shoves me, I don’t see it coming. I go head over feet off the edge of the dock, straight into the cove, with a splash that rattles the wind from my lungs.
I surface, spluttering for air.
My eyes sting with salt, searching for her.
She’s already gone.
* * *
I’m winded by the time I manage to haul my waterlogged body back up onto the dock. Not to mention drenched to the bone. Thankfully the fading afternoon sun is still warm. I set my soaked sneakers on the rail of the lobster boat and squeeze the worst of the water from my jeans, then peel my t-shirt up over my head. I’m wringing it out as best I can manage when I hear the sound of approaching footsteps.
My head swings around. To my surprise, Jo is standing there holding a towel from the boathouse. She extends it toward me, a peace offering.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you in,” she says, by way of apology. “That was petty of me.”
“I’ll dry.”
For a moment, we’re both quiet. I sponge droplets from my stomach and arms, then put the towel over my hair and shake like a wet dog. When I’m decently dry, I look for Jo and find her sitting on the edge of the dock, staring out at the cove. All traces of her anger have vanished on the wind, but I move with extra caution anyway as I drop down beside her.
It’s a position we’ve sat in a million times before — side by side, four feet in the water, two backs to the world. But there’s nothing familiar about this new tension between us. We are in uncharted waters, a million miles offshore, with no lighthouses or stars to guide us back home. I have no idea what to say. Where to start. Perhaps she doesn’t either, because the silence drags on for a long time.
Finally, she clears her throat and speaks, still not looking at me. “These past few days… since I came back home, since I saw you again… I’ve felt like I’m losing my mind. Truly, like I’m going mad. Ever since you came back into my life, everything I thought I knew, every shred of closure I’ve spent a year chasing… it’s all just fallen to pieces. I can’t sleep at night, because the memories…” She sucks in a pained breath. “I forget to eat, I’m so caught up in my thoughts. And now you’re sitting here, right next to me, so close and so far, and I can’t evenbreatheproperly—”
“Jo. Look at me.”
She does. Her eyes are full of tears. I’m pretty certain mine are too, since they’re stinging like hell. I could blame the salt water, but I’d be lying to myself.
“I begged you,” she whispers so gently, it’s a knife to my gut. “At your apartment. With the pie. I actuallybeggedyou. I was so desperate for a single grain of truth in all the lies… so tangled up, trying to get answers… and you made me think I was insane. You sent me away like… like… some piece of garbage you didn’t want anymore.”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m a bastard?” My voice shakes. “I’m a bastard.That I screwed up?I screwed up.That I’m sorry?I’m sorry.” Without thinking, I take her by the shoulders. Callused hands on silk skin. The moment we touch, we both flinch. Like an electric shock has jumped through us both. Her mouth parts, a small gasp sliding from her lips. My words are shooting sparks. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jo. I’ll never be able to put it into words. I’ll never be able to explain—”
“Try.”
Like it’s so simple.
My hands tighten on her shoulders. Almost unconsciously, my thumbs begin to rub small, soothing circles against her skin. Whether I’m soothing her or myself, I’m no longer sure. It takes me a while to find the words.
Just start at the beginning.
This part is easy to tell.
The rest will be harder.
“You know last spring, my brother was released from prison.”
Her eyes widen. Whatever she’d expected me to say, it was not this, but she nods for me to carry on.
“When he first came home, things were fine. Even good, for a little while. But pretty quickly, they started to unravel.Hestarted to unravel.” I expel a breath. “Turns out, while he was behind bars, Jaxon made some powerful enemies.”
“Not shocking, given his personality,” Jo mutters.
“Agreed. Long story short, he found himself in need of protection. And he got it… but it came at a price.”