“Anytime,” she says quickly, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
I hadn’t acknowledged the added pressure of telling Kristen the truth and asking her to keep my secret. The longer it takes me to come out, the longer she’s going to have to lie to Vincent.
Hannah and I have the same lunch period, but we never sit together. I wish we did, but even she agreed that either of us switching tables might draw attention.
So I sit across from Kristen and Vincent, picking at my leftover chicken tikka masala in between glances at the table where the field hockey team and girls’ soccer team sit together. Today, Hannah’s wearing her hair down. She has on her only pair ofearrings, gold studs, and they catch the light coming through the cafeteria windows whenever she tucks her hair behind her ear. She’s flanked by Olivia and Rowena, talking to some girls I don’t recognize. Her eyes are bright, and—
My watch vibrates.
HANNAH:This cute girl is staring at me from across the cafeteria and idk what to do. Gotta tell her I have a gf
I resist the urge to look over my shoulder again, knowing that would be a bit obvious, and reach for my phone instead.
CLARITY:How cute are we talking?
HANNAH:hmmm, idk…
HANNAH:Look in a mirror
I blush at the compliment, folding my phone toward me as if I can fold her sweet words right into my heart.
“Who got you smiling like that?” Vincent asks.
I snap out of my lovely lesbian stupor at the sound of his voice. “What?”
“Obviously, it’s Maurice. I bet they’re flirting,” Kristen says, flashing me a wink. “Aren’t they adorable?”
“I don’t know if ‘adorable’ is the word Maurice would use,” Vincent admits to Kristen. “But he has been different lately,” he says to me.
“Different how?” Kristen asks before I have the chance to.
“Like… how he was when he started dating Marissa.”
Marissa, his lastgirlfriend.
Vincent dunks one of his chicken tenders into the barbecue sauce he brought from home—which I kind of respect—leavingKristen and me to have a quick exchange with our eyes.
I raise my eyebrows:This is bad.
Kristen widens her eyes:What are we going to do?
I glance to the side:How should I know?
Considering how I bombed my pretend coming out, I don’t see myself attempting the real thing anytime soon. Which means Maurice is still critical to me conducting my secret relationship in peace.
What I really want to know is how he could’ve possibly caught real feelings for me, girlfriend-level feelings, when I’ve kept him at arm’s length. Maurice and I haven’t hung out alone at all, which has been intentional on my part. Having Kristen with me when I see him is the closest thing I have to a safety net. Now that she knows the truth, there’s no way she’d leave an opening for anything to happen between us.
We haven’t seen each other since the skate show. So I know I’m due for a date of some kind… I just assumed slowing down the pace of us spending time together would make it harder for him to catch romantic feelings.
“Maybe we can hang out this week?” Kristen offers, looking at Vincent.
“A double date or something?” I add.
I catch Vincent’s face shift: his brows low, smile slick like he’s about to play one of those pick-four cards in Uno.
“I have it on good authority that he’s planning a date for you.”
“Oh.”