As he spoke, people snapped pictures of him, reminding me once again that to me he was simply Landon, but to the rest of the world he was a star.
“Do you ever get sick of that?” I asked, nodding toward the individuals holding their cameras out.
“It’s a gift and a curse. I know I wouldn’t be able to live the life I do without them, but also I wish there was a way I could do what I love and still be anonymous.”
“Voice acting for the win.”
“I would’ve made a badass Shrek.” He nodded toward me. “Do you ever get sick of that?”
“Of what?”
“Pretending like you don’t want to at least have the conversation we should be having about us?”
It’s a gift and a curse.
“There is no us,” I told him.
“Come on, Chick,” he said, his voice low and controlled. “Just an easy conversation.”
Butterflies. A swarm of stupid butterflies that didn’t belonganywhere near my stomach. Why did I have butterflies from him calling me Chick?
“Go away, Landon.”
“As you wish.”
But he didn’tleaveleave. He did exactly what he’d said he would do: He went and sat at a table, and he began studying his newspaper as cameras “sneakily” snapped photographs of him. It was so odd seeing the fame side of his life. It was strange seeing people you grew up with in a different type of light. Landon’s light was very much lime.
I went back to work, trying to shake off the idea of Landon sitting in the back of the shop. Wasn’t he a famous actor? Didn’t he have something better to do with his time?
It turned out he didn’t have better things to do. Landon showed up each day for his coffee, and he’d sit at the same table each time, waiting for the opportunity to hold an easy conversation with him.
I never gave in.
Still, he kept showing up each morning, and I kept thinking about him each night.
41Shay
In order to stop myself from thinking about Landon, I went to Raine and Hank’s place to distract myself. Hank was away on a work trip, so I’d been stopping by each night to make sure Raine was doing well, seeing as how she’d been struggling with her pregnancy. She’d been put on bed rest even though she had quite a few weeks to go before her bundle of joy came into the world.
“What’s on your agenda this week?” Raine asked as we lay in her bed, eating chips and watching reality television.
I sighed. “Well, I started searching for different jobs.”
“All because Landon won’t leave?” she teased.
If only that was the reason. I felt somewhat ashamed that I still worked at the coffee shop. I was a woman in her thirties with a master’s degree in fine arts and nothing to show for it. Maybe I was in the wrong city to find success in the film industry, but I knew of plenty of individuals who’d made it from Chicago. Each year that passed without me finding any real footing made me feel more and more like my dreams wouldn’t come to fulfillment.
Raine must’ve picked up on my unease. She had a way of reading my heavy thoughts when I didn’t even speak about them. She placed a comforting hand on my knee.
“You can do it, Shay. I know things look a little bleak right now, but the ship can’t always be sitting out at sea. You’ll start moving toward the shore soon enough. Keep your head up.”
“I’m OK.” I smiled at my friend, not wanting her to worry too much.
“No, you’re not, but I know you will be. Now come on to the kitchen. I’ll make us a pot of coffee.” She paused and gave me a wicked grin. “On second thought, let’s make it tea.”
She stood from the bed and began waddling away toward the kitchen. Once we arrived there, I reached for the tea mugs as Raine cradled her stomach in her arms. She seemed winded from the small walk and cringed as if the baby was fussing.
“Is he kicking around?” I asked, smiling at my friend.