“Oh my gosh,” I whispered, laying my head on his shoulder and moaning into him to muffle the sound. I then looked up and locked eyes with him. “Don’t be a fucking loser, Landon,” I whispered against the edge of his ear, trailing my tongue against it. “Fuck me like you mean it.”
That was when I saw the flash of madness unleash from him, and he began pounding into me, wild, untamed, and unleashed.
And it felt so good that I couldn’t hold in my orgasm much longer. As I released myself against him, he dug his fingers into my back, holding me up as he kept feeding his cock into me. I hated him. I hated him so much for making me feel so good.
“For me being a fucking loser, you sure come pretty hard,” he murmured, tangling his hands in my hair. He tilted my head back and made me lock eyes with him. “Now. Come for this loser again.”
He placed me down, pressed me against the wall with my ass facing him, and he began to pound me from behind, lifting my left leg onto his left arm. I cried out from the bliss of our sins that night. I didn’t know what it was that we were doing, because I was so pissed off at him, but still... it felt so good. Was this just sex? Was it hatred? Was I screwing the first and only man I loved with nothing but spite?
And if so... how could something so wrong feel so right?
I came three more times for him in three different positions before he began to reach his end. “Shay, I’m going to...” His words faltered as his thrusts intensified, pounding more and more, and then he let himself go, giving me all of him.
I loved that I did that to him—made him fall apart inside of me.
Then, after we both reached our climax, reality came settling back in. We stood there for a few seconds, almost dumbfounded by what just took place.
He slid out of me, and I worked to find my footing. A chill filled the room, and all the heat that had been there moments ago faded away.
I pulled down my dress and smoothed my hands over it, realizing that my panties were now ripped off.
He parted his lips, but no words came out. That was a good thing. There wasn’t anything left to say. At least in my mind there wasn’t.
“I should go,” I said, gathering my things and trying to tame the wildness of my hair and my heart.
My heart that I didn’t know still knew how to beat for a man like him.
Stop it, heart.
Turn back off.
“Wait, we should talk,” he said.
“I think we’ve done enough already.”
I headed toward the door, and he reluctantly followed after me.
As we walked out of the room, the security guy guarding the room looked both Landon and me up and down with a devilish smirk on his face. He proceeded to hold his hand up to Landon with his chest puffed out with pride.
“Hell yeah! I knew you’d nail it down. She’s hot, man,” he exclaimed to Landon, as if Landon had done some kind of good deed for the Dicks Across America movement by getting in my pants.
My chest tightened from the whole interaction. Was thatthe whole reason he walked into that room with me? To get laid? For an old-time bang? To see if his past tasted as good as his present days? Did he mention it to that security guy before entering the room? Was I just a game to him? Did I give him exactly what he came for?
A fury of anger settled in my gut.
Landon didn’t high-five the guy, but he kept following me. “Shay, wait,” he called out.
I tried to push back the emotions building up inside me, because I felt like crying, and I wouldn’t cry over something as stupid as sleeping with Landon. Even though during the sex, it felt like the greatest memory of us—of who we used to be. It felt as if we were meant to be together, as if our bodies moved as one and he understood exactly what it took to take me to that next level. It felt like I was his, and he was mine again.
If only for a few moments in time.
I walked off, feeling as if I’d just been slammed into a wall with a semitruck. My body ached not only from the soreness of how Landon rocked me but also from the pain of how he rocked my soul.
He wasn’t supposed to be able to do that anymore. I’d spent the past years trying to delete every part of him from my entire being. But it turned out first loves were unable to fully erase from a person’s psyche. A part of Landon would always live in my heart. From his kiss alone, he unlocked that corner of my heartbeats—and then proceeded to break it all over again.
I stopped drinking for the remainder of the night, and regrettably, Landon stayed on my mind. Once I got home, I began to write, feeling an overflow of inspiration due to the boy who once loved me. The boy who I once stupidly loved back.
39Shay