He lowered his head. “I remember, but if you let me explain.”
“I don’t care,” I lied. I had to lie. It was the only way I could keep from allowing myself to completely melt into him. The truth was, I did care. A big part of me loved hearing that he’d found his way, that he was OK. A bigger part of me craved the answers I’d never received from him for why he never came back.
But another part was still aching from the way he’d broken me. On his way to self-discovery, he took a sledgehammer to my heart, and now he stood over me as if he was expecting me to give him my all.
There was no way I’d do that again.
I wasn’t that same, naive, full-of-hope girl that I once was, and I wouldn’t make that same mistake twice. I’d given him my all once, and he had treated it like trash, something to be tossed out because someone better came along.
“I’ve changed too, Landon. I’m not that same girl you knew.”
“I know,” he agreed. “I can tell. You’re stronger. Wiser.”
“Your compliments do nothing for me.”
“That doesn’t mean they aren’t true.” He ran a hand overhis face. “Do you really hate me?” he asked, his voice low and controlled.
“No,” I said. I blinked my eyes shut. “But that doesn’t mean I want to be your friend.”
“I’m not asking you to be my friend, Chick.”
“Then what are you asking?”
“I don’t know,” he confessed as he raked his hands through his hair. “It’s odd being around you after all this time. I can’t act sarcastic and light with you. Not after all we’d been through.”
“You don’t even know me anymore, Landon. We were kids back then who knew nothing about life.”
“I’d like to get to know you again.”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Yes, I would.”
I huffed, growing annoyed by his words. So, what? He got to pick and choose when he came back into my life? Now I’d managed to fit into his schedule?
The whiskey swirled inside me, and my heart was trying its hardest to escape my chest because it didn’t want to feel so much. I’d worked hard at shutting off my emotions a long time ago when it came to men. Leave it to Landon to walk in and effortlessly flip that switch.
He moved in closer, and my hands landed against his chest and lightly shoved him. “Screw you, Landon.”
“There it is. Now we’re getting to the real emotions,” he said, stepping in again. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Shay.”
I shoved him again. “Screw you for right now.” Shove. “Screw you for the years of silence.” Shove. “And screw you for making it impossible for me to trust again.” I kept listing off all the emotions shooting through me as I shoved him repeatedly. Tears burned at the back of my eyes as I lay my hands against his chest.
Shove. Shove. Shove. Pull.
Pull?
I pulled him closer. I pulled at his suit, bringing him in toward my chest. I pulled him inches away from me. Centimeters. Millimeters. The air in the space between us became harder to breathe as he stared down at me with such intent in his eyes. I should’ve shoved him again. I should’ve pushed him away. And yet instead, I yanked his expensive tie toward me and pulled him into the deepest kiss of my life. I kissed him with my love and then with my hatred. My hands wrapped around his neck as he placed his hands behind my back, kissing me as if he was relying on my lips for his next breath of oxygen. His hands fell beneath my ass, and he lifted me into the air as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pressed me against the wall, his hardness pushing against the fabric of my dress. I dropped a hand down and hiked the dress up my thighs, allowing him to thrust his hips forward, showing me his want, his need, everything I’d been missing over the years.
“Shay,” he growled against my lips.
“Don’t talk,” I ordered as my hands moved to his belt buckle, scrambling to get it undone before I came back to Earth and realized the massive mistake I was partaking in. I’d regret this in the morning when the whiskey faded and reality set in, but in the heat of the moment, feeling him pressed up against my thigh, feeling his throbbing need, wanting to remember what it felt like having him so deep inside me, I gave in.
Whiskey and memories won that night as I ordered for my once-hero-turned-villain to take me right then and there.
A pool of heat filled my stomach as his hands wrapped around my thong and he ripped it off. His eyes were dilated and his touches were controlled as I slid his pants down to his ankles. He locked eyes with me and waited for a second ashis hardness rubbed against my core, almost as if asking permission to enter.
I nodded once, and that was all he needed. He slid himself so deep inside me, I almost cried out from the unbelievable pleasure.