I love you times two. I don’t think that will ever change.
—Satan
“You... you wrote me every day for the past decade?” I choked out, shock racing through my system as I stood in the middle of Landon’s mind. Words he created solely for me.
“Yes. I knew there came a point when I should’ve stopped, but I couldn’t. I felt as if I stopped writing my letters, I’d officially lose you, and I never wanted that. I never wanted to let you go.”
I walked over to him, treading through his stories, and took his hands into mine. I placed them against my chest and shookmy head. “My heart doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. I’m afraid of loving you, because that means I can lose you again, Landon, and that terrifies me.”
“I know. I know how much it scares you, because it scares me, too. I’m terrified that I’m going to mess this up. I’m terrified that I’m going to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me due to my slips into depression or my struggles with sometimes making mistakes. The idea of losing you all over again is too much for me, though. We can be scared but still stay. We can be afraid and still honor our love. Still fight for this—because this is it, Shay. There’s never going to be anything or anyone else for me. You’re my story. My final page, my final word.”
I took a deep inhalation and released it slowly. “What if I take too long to figure out how to stop being afraid?”
“Remember what you said to me when we were younger? How you told me to take my time and to go slow? I need you to do that for yourself, but I’ll be right here waiting, ready to pick you up if you start to fall. I promise to go slow with you, to take the time to relish in our love, to not speed through it and miss the beautiful moments—your laugh, your smile, your heartbeats. I promise to move quietly through our love story, taking in every breath with care and passion. I promise you all over this, all of me. I promise you thatseré valiente, seré fuerte, seré amable, y quedaré.” The moment those words fell from his tongue, the tears began rolling down my cheeks.
I kissed him.
It was so gentle and small that I wasn’t even sure that it qualified as a kiss, but my lips brushed against his as time stood still.
“This time’s forever?” I whispered against his lips.
“This time’s forever. I couldn’t imagine spending another day without you by my side. I love you, Shay, and I am goingto spend the rest of my life making up for all the memories we missed out on creating. This,” he said, pulling me in closer to his chest, “this is only the beginning of us.”
I had a feeling it was going to be the best story ever written.
Landon rested his forehead against mine, holding me as if he had no plans of ever letting me go. “I love you, I love you,” he said, kissing me gently.
He said he loved me once so I’d hear him.
He said it twice to leave an imprint.
Epilogue
Shay
Two Years Later
“How are you holding up?” Mom asked as she peeked her head into my fitting room.
My heart raced as I stared into the mirror. The dress that lay against my body was everything I’d ever dreamed of. It was the first wedding gown I’d tried on, and I knew instantly it was the dress for me. Still, Raine and Eleanor pushed for me to try on a few more options.
“You never go with your first option, because there’s always something better around the corner,”Raine had explained.“Plus, this is the first day I’ve had away from Jameson in the past two years, so I need you to take longer so I can get drunk on the free champagne.”
After the seventh dress, Raine had found herself a nice champagne buzz, and I returned to the original dress that I’d instantly fallen in love with.
Sometimes in life, the first option was always the best one.
That went for the dress and for the man I would be marrying in a few months.
Over the past two years, Landon and I had put in the work to make our love story grow. We’d learned more about each other’s highs and lows. Even though I didn’t personally suffer from depression like Landon, I did have days, weeks, and months where I’d feel completely off. I’d go through waves ofself-doubt, and whenever those days came, Landon stood by my side. It took a long time to build up my trust in our relationship. I suffered from so many old beliefs that polluted my mind, and fear sometimes leaked into my heart, making me believe that things were too good to be true. That someday, Landon would realize he was better off without me. That I wasn’t enough.
On those days, weeks, and months, Landon moved closer to me. His love became a weapon against my self-doubts, and he slayed them by reminding me of our truths. That our love was strong. That our love was real. That no matter the storms, the sun would always shine on our story.
When he asked me to marry him, it was the easiest yes of my life.
“I think this is it.” I turned to my mother with tears in my eyes. “This is the dress I want to marry Landon in.”
Her eyes beamed. “It’s perfect. Simply perfect.”