I couldn’t sleep that night, and I really wasn’t in the mood to go out on the town and fish for another distraction, so it was just me and the tea kettle, screaming to ourselves at midnight.
For just a moment, I allowed myself to consider alternatives to this helscape of a situation I was in, forcing me to avoid one single woman like the plague. And somehow, struggling withthatso much that I was driving myself insane.
Because the Fates were cruel bastards, and I would inevitably run into her again. If I didn’t sort myself out, there was no way I could keep my hands to myself the next time we crossed paths.
There was just no way.
I could seduce Arken and maybe let her stick around afterwards, keeping her at an arm’s length and avoiding any further depth to the relationship. But my instincts told me Arken was far too perceptive for that. She seemed like an emotional creature, and to ask her to follow my “no feelings” rule probably wouldn’t end well.
Yeah. She would inevitably call my bluff, and then I would have to be the asshole. The precise scenario I was trying to avoid.
I could keep sleeping around until I found someone else to obsess over, taking her place in my mind… but the odds of that were impossibly low, considering I had never felt like this before. Besides, I’d just be trading one problem for another.
You could just be her friend, you pervert.
I took a sip of tea and mulled it over in my head.
Though the initial thought wasn’t nearly as appealing as the idea of Arken tangled up in my sheets, it did offer its advantages.
I could have more than just one night. I could spend enough time with her to hopefully calm down and regain the ability to think about literally anything else. I could enjoy her company without fear of inevitably crushing her spirit. I could allow myself to be just a little less alone.
But all of these were inherently selfish reasons to seek out her friendship, and I didn’t even know what she wanted. She could very well have sought me out for something else entirely. She could be interested in the very same things that I was currently obsessing over the thought of.
Admittedly, I liked the idea of her wanting me like that, problematic as it may be for this plan. I also liked the idea of that mouth on my—
Get ahold of yourself, Kieran.
I groaned inwardly at my inability to stop finding every excuse to picture her naked. Among other things.
I was a degenerate, but even I understood that she was so much more than something to screw.
Arken was charming and charismatic and smart—smarter than me, that’s for damn sure. Beyond the book smarts, she was clever and intuitive, never taking things at face value.
For reasons beyond my comprehension, she seemed to enjoy my company. She even came by looking for me.
I had to ignore the warmth that bloomed in my chest, and the distant feeling that was reminding me that I had skipped the alternative that I probably wanted most. I downed what remained of my tea for the night and shook it off. That was an impossibility. There was no use wasting time wanting what I couldn’t ever have.
We could be friends, though…
I was still mulling it over. Even a friendship with her was not without its risks for both of us.
Was it worth it?
Chapter Nineteen
Arken
I was studying in the Biblyos one afternoon, entirely engrossed in my notes when suddenly, I felt a gentle peck at my left hand.
I blinked twice before processing the fact that a small raven was now resting atop my stack of tomes, looking at me expectantly with strangely intelligent eyes. It tapped its tiny foot, where a small scroll of parchment was tied up with twine. I unraveled it to find a note that had to be from none other than Kieran.
I’m terribly bored, Little Conduit. What are you up to?
The raven continued to rest atop my books, waiting. It was staring at me as if it knew to anticipate a response.How did abird even get in here?I sighed, rummaging through my satchel to pull out a pen.
I’m studying. How did you even know where to find me? This isn’t helping your case against being a stalker, you know.
Upon receipt of the parchment with my scribbled response, the raven simply disappeared into a puff of smoke and Shadow. Well, that explained it. That wasn’t a bird at all, it was a mail sprite—a conjured bit of complex arcane energy, summoned by Conduits to deliver correspondence within the city. Some sprites were even powerful enough to take letters across the continent, though often that sort of spellwork would cost you.