“Thanks again, Grant.”
He dipped his head respectfully before striding off towards the gates.
I wasn’t sure what to expect next. I had next to no information on where he lived, where his typical station was for work, or what his habits were outside of the occasional bakery or café run. Truth be told? I knew very little about Kieran at all, other than the few basics I had gleaned from our conversation the other day. My little observations from every chance encounter.
He was young for a captain, implying high degrees of skill and martial prowess. He was a Shadow Conduit, and had at one point been a student here in Sophrosyne. He was tall, clever and devastatingly attractive. He had a nice voice and a penchant forpoking fun at me. He liked croissants and cheese sandwiches. That was about it.
Not particularly helpful information to track someone down and attempt to befriend them.
I cringed, realizing that it all sounded a little pathetic, even in the privacy of my own thoughts. Because here I was, the bright-eyed new student, chasing down a literal senior guardsman of Sophrosyne in hopes to, what? Hang out more?
But I liked Kieran, and I was tired of pretending that I didn’t. I was tired of pretending like I hadn’t clearly found a kindred spirit in that cocky bastard.
And so it was decided, then. The next time I ran into Kieran, I’d invite him to lunch again.
Just friends. Just lunch.
That was fairly harmless, right?
Chapter Eighteen
Kieran
I spent the next few days absolutely losing myself to my vices.
I could not get that godsdamned woman out of my head, and that was… exceptionally unlike me. It was so unnerving that I felt like I could crawl out of my skin every time that she crossed my mind, and I found myself taking a different person to bed every night just to attempt to drown her out.
By the time a week had passed, I was starting to get bored. All of the hedonism had grown excessive, and truthfully? I just needed a break. That was also unlike me, but in all fairness, I also typically paced myself a little better when it came to sleeping around.
The worst part? It didn’t even fucking work.
Shadow is a constant. I find that more comforting than unsettling.
Even though I had gone well out of my way to avoid bumping into her again, I was quickly finding that Arken was haunting me more in her absence than her presence. Her voice echoed through my mind at the most inconvenient times. Including when I was sleeping around.
What the fuck is it about her? Whyher, Kieran?
I didn’t have a good answer to that.
I was starting to think that maybe I should just invite Arken to bed and get it over with. I could deal with one potentially-scorned-ex-fling leading the House of Light & Shadow one day. I already had the Lord of Embers ready to slit my throat, what was one more regret?
It wouldn’t be a hard sell. She would say yes. I knew she was just as attracted to me as I was to her, and not just because I was a cocky bastard—though I was that, too. But rather because of how she reacted to me, physically.
When seduction becomes a game, you learn how to pick up on those kinds of cues, and she’d given me plenty of them. So why was it that I couldn’t bring myself to seek her out and play the game?
Because she wouldn’t put up with your shit the next day, and you’d have to hurt her just to keep her away.
Yeah, basically.
I wasn’t in the business of breaking hearts—I didn’t let anyone even remotely close enough for that to become a problem. But even still, plenty of people conflate sex with attachment, and I’d been an asshole to one too many men and women who had pushed the envelope. I’d been brutal on those who had dared to ask more from me than just a night’s worth of distraction.
When my sexual exploits got the wrong idea, misinterpreting my adamant walls as some childish act of playing hard to get, I’d often have to make use of what was running through my veins alongside the blood and the aether.
Venom. Cruelty. Ruthlessness.
I didn’t particularly enjoy making use of those things… most of the time. But it was necessary. I would never be anybody’s lover, just a damn good night or two.
For reasons I couldn’t fully comprehend, I was violently opposed to ever doing that shit to Arken, though. The idea of tears in those pretty little golden doe eyes? Caused by me? Intentionally? It kinda made me sick to my stomach.