“Gods,” I groaned, becoming increasingly worked up by the memory of the way he looked at me today. The way hekeptlooking at me, all afternoon. It was like he knew, somehow, that I’d needed a reminder that I wasn’t alone in wanting what I couldn't have.
I could deal with Kieran fucking other women, other men—but I wasn’t sure I could deal with the notion that one day, he might find whatever he was looking for. It was callous and cruel of me to covet his desire like that, though. It was greedy andselfish andwrongto hope that my closest friend would spend the rest of his life alone.
But here, in the confines of my apartment, I could be cruel. Here, I could be vicious.
Behind these wards, as I fucked myself to the thought of him, I could admit—if only to myself—that every night, in the afterglow of my own release, I sent a silent, foolish prayer to the Fates, the Source, whatever powers that be.
If I can’t have him… Let him remain wild, untamed. Let him sample, but never settle. Please. I couldn’t bear it.
That probably made me a terrible person. An even worse friend to the man who had given me so much, who had made my time in Sophrosyne perfect, beyond my wildest dreams. But I had never claimed to be a wholly good person. Yes, I was kind, I was compassionate…
But I had always known there was a dark and ravening thing that prowled beneath my skin.
And that darkness played so very nicely with Kieran and his Shadows.
Those godsdamned Shadows.
Eager for the distraction, I let go of that moment of self-flagellation, shuddering with distaste as I realized that the bath water had grown tepid. I had lost track of time, and though I could easily reheat the water using basic Fire arcana, I instead took this as a sign that my bathing ritual had concluded.
I wanted to carry out the rest of my efforts in bed, regardless.
Once I was warm and dry again, I slid my bare body in between the worn, soft sheets and let loose a contented sigh. The bath had worked wonders for my stiff muscles, as had the stretches I’d done by Kieran’s command. My tongue glossed over my lips, a hint of a smile curving up one side of my mouth.
Are you asking me to spread my legs for you?
Asking? No, I’m not asking.
Fucking Hel.
As I sank into the plush comfort of my mattress, my mind began to wander again, and I let my fingers follow suit.
“Get on your knees.”
He had never spoken those words before, not to me—and yet I could hear them, clear as day in my mind. It would fall from his lips with low and rumbling authority, leaving little room for argument.
“Good girl.”
And I’d never seen Kieran’s cock, but I could visualize it so very well—the sight of him standing over me, his presence towering as I knelt before him, eyes wide and lips parted. I thought about the way he might suck in a breath hearing me beg for permission to touch him. I thought about the way he might groan and growl and curse beneath his breath once he gave me what I wanted, what I craved more often than was probably healthy.Fucking Fates, I wanted to choke on that man’s cock.
I wanted to wreck him the way that he would most assuredly wreck me.
The way I wished he would.
The sight of Kieran sparring next to me earlier had me soaking through my panties as I practiced every kick. It had been borderline embarrassing, and whenever his back was turned, I’d glance down just to make sure there was no visible damp spot between my legs. Thankfully, the soft leather leggings had been thick enough to conceal my arousal, and I didn’t have to expose that every inch of my instructor’s hard, flexing muscle had me twitching… Craving.
But it wasn’t just his body that kept me in a chokehold, however flawless that body was. It was theviolence—his capacity for utter destruction.
However depraved these damningly dark thoughts made me, it was the sharp sound of every strike Kieran landed thisafternoon that pulled me under. It was the way the edges of his blades gleamed in the light just before he coated them in wisps of smoke and Shadow. I would never admit it, not to anyone, but it was the evidence of how godsdamned deadly Kieran was—thatwas what left me dripping all afternoon.
His power called to me. My aether sang back, surging through my veins, even now. Little starbursts of Light pulsed beneath my sheets, the tips of my fingers flickering for a moment as I arched my back, hips bucking into my fingers, needing more. More friction, more pressure, more thoughts of him to tease and torment me into oblivion.
I thought about his hands, wrapping themselves around my throat. I thought about the inherent supplication in allowing someone like Kieran to steal my breath, to control me to such an extent that the very air in my lungs followed his command. I thought about every limit, every edge that Kieran might lead me to if I let him.
For a moment, I paused ministrations against my clit just to run my hands up and down my body, imagining larger, rougher fingertips in their stead. I paused in every place that I’d imagined Kieran might, groping my own tits, sliding my palms appreciatively over my thighs, briefly allowing my forefinger to mimic the way Kieran’s had stroked the back of my leg earlier today.
Lost in my own imagination, I writhed and tangled myself up in the sheets, beginning to thirst for things I couldn’t emulate myself—like the way it might feel if Kieran pulled my hair, the way it might burn and sting if he slapped my ass, or if he took hold of my flesh so hard that his nails bit into my skin.Biting…Oh,that was a dangerous place to go if I wanted to draw this pleasure out slowly, and yet my mind took off in a sprint before I could contain it.
Those stupid fucking godling teeth of his, so unusually and absurdly sharp. The way those tipped canines gleamed and glistened, peeking out behind his lips whenever he spoke. It was just some trait that ran in his family, he’d explained to me once. Some odd, hereditary thing. But maybe my sick little urge to worship Kieran in more ways than one stemmed, at least partially, from the fact that his silver tongue danced behind the wicked, feral smile of the gods themselves.