I thought about the poison that dripped off her lips as she’d snarled at Anders in my defense, and the way that in that moment, it almost felt like she was staking her claim. She hadn’t said the words aloud, but I could haveswornI heard it in that scathing tone of voice.
He’s mine.
With a sharp inhale and a low hiss sliding past my teeth, I found my first round of release over the mere thought of Arken Asher and her aetherblades.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Arken
That man was ruining my fucking life.
As I soaked my aching muscles in a tub filled to the absolute brim with hot water and frothing, self-indulgent bubbles, that was all I could even hope to think about.
Him.
As one hand slid between my thighs, the tips of my fingers slipping past the slickness I found there and coaxing that liquid heat towards my swelling clit in a slow, rhythmic motion, all I evenwantedto think about was him. And this was nothing new.
Night after night, for months now, I could only ever get myself off to the thought of Kieran godsdamned Vistarii.
Asking? I’m not asking.
I could hear his rasping croon against the shell of my ear as though the captain was right here in the room with me, watching me arch my back and tug on one of my nipples from the shadows. Gods, if only.
It was hard to describe the strange sense of helplessness, the jarring loss, the ache of absence that I’d felt once Kieran dropped me back off at my apartment. And it was even harder to explain, even to myself, why I felt so godsdamn desperate for him as of late.
It had taken every ounce of willpower I had not to ask him to come inside. Still, he’d lingered—one arm hanging off my door frame as he gazed down at me, eyes a little hazy.
“You did very well today, Arken,” he’d murmured gently. “I’m impressed.”
“I bet you say that to all your trainees,” I’d breathed back.
“Mm, not quite. It takes a lot to earn my praise.”
Fuck me.
I groaned softly at the memory, my fingers moving faster, applying a bit more pressure as I thought of the myriad of ways I might capture myself more of Kieran’s praise.
Gods, I wanted him—and simultaneously loathed him right about now. I hated the way Kieran kept hold on his willpower so steadily, while mine seemed to wriggle and writhe around in my hands like a venomous serpent. For just a fraction of a second, my favorite person in the world had become my bitter rival, if only because he’d managed to walk away.
You’ll just have to try harder next time.
Through grit teeth, I clamped down hard on that thought. No. There would be notrying harder,I had already pushed the edge of our boundaries more than I should have today.
I knew that I was the instigator of my own torment this afternoon, what with every teasing quip I tossed his way. I just… couldn’t help myself. I was admittedly still clinging to thattiny seed of jealousy he’d planted in my chest last week, the moment I saw him slip his hand around another woman’s waist, murmuring something in her ear.
That isn’t fair, and you know it.
I did. I knew that Kieran had no intention of running into Laurel and I that night—he would never purposefully bait me like that. He had just been doing what he did best, seeking out his temporary solace by seducing some poor soul who wouldn’t know what to do with herself by the time she crawled out of his bed. Because I didn’t have to fuck Kieran myself to know that the sex would be earth-shattering. Between the two of us? Realm-rending.
Everything about that man was life-altering, for better or for worse.
But no matter how heavily I yearned, no matter how deeply I ached, the longing I felt for Kieran and all these furtive fantasies were such a small price to pay for the pleasure of his company. I was content to pant after him from the comfort of my own sheets if it meant I could keep this friendship intact.
Am I supposed to pretend that I don’t find you attractive, Arken? Or that I don’t enjoy touching you?
I sucked in a sharp breath as the sound of his voice returned, a phantom echo in my mind.
I’m a damn good liar by trade, but I’m notthatgood.