Nia knew no man other than me, and that stuck her to me like glue. I knew that. Counted on it and relied on it. I stared at my reflection in the mirrors across the club that flashed through the lights. My face looked the same. But something about it felt off. Like I was looking at a version of myself that hadn't caught up yet with Everything that was happening was on me. A nigga should've knew better than to think I'd beat a case and save my marriage. That shit was so far-fetched. But I believed it. Because I wanted it to walk out of that courtroom and everything fall back into place like it never shifted.
I thought Nia would still be standing there the same way she always had. That wasn't reality. But I moved like it was. I had to take the blame for that. No one else. "Fuck that shit." I mumbled to myself, picking up another stack, untied the rubber band, and threw it in the air. The money floated down again. The music hit harder. Bass shaking through the floor. Bodies moving around me. Everything designed to drown something out.
I saw Juste coming straight toward me with a scowl on his face, pushing strippers off him like they were infected. He moved like he didn't belong in there. Like the whole place irritated him. "Nigga what you got goin’ man?" He said, pulling up his pants before rubbing his hand across his head. I continued staring up at him, puffing the blunt. I was faded, no doubt. But my mind wasn't gone. I was just quiet, trying to figure out how this nigga always seemed to find me when I ain’t wanna be found. "Get the fuck up, man, let's go." He said, snatching me up, pulling me toward the exit. "Got me in here with these nasty ass bitches." He said.
The air outside hit different. Once we were in the parking lot, I could see Noles and Pierre leaning against the truck waiting for me to come out. They looked like they had been there a minute. "Nigga aint you finna get a divorce? You know judges award child support for that shit. You better keep your ass out the booty club." Noles said, frowning. He tried to make it sound like a joke, but there was truth in it.
Before I could respond, I felt a punch crash into my jaw, making me stumble to the side. The impact came quick, with no warning. My head snapped slightly before I caught my footing. When I turned around Juste was standing there staring me square in the face like he aint just damn near knock me out. His expression didn't change. That wasn't what it was about.
I lunged forward at him, throwing a punch back, before we started throwing blows at one another and scuffling in the parking lot. No talking. Just movement.
Hands.
Impact.
The kind of fight that wasn't about winning. Just releasing something. "Aye, y’all niggas chill out," Noles said, laughing, jumping between us. "Get back, Noles." Pierre grabbed him. Pierre knew better. Let it happen. Let it burn out. "Fuck you, hitting me for bru." I spat. My jaw throbbed. Blood sat heavy in my mouth. But I stood straight.
"Nigga your ass pathetic. Your house is in turmoil, your wife is divorcing you, your damn kids are acting out, and your overgrown ass is sitting up in a strip club." He said. Each word came out controlled. "Instead of begging that woman not to go through with this shit, you sitting in here feeling sorry foryourself with these nothing ass hoes. Grow the fuck up, Jules." He growled at me.
I didn't react. I just stood there and took it. Because nothing he said was wrong. And we both knew it. Me and my brother hadn't went head-to-head in years. That's how I knew this wasn't just talk. This was him stepping in. "Wake the fuck up nigga. Get out of that fuckin fantasy ass world in your fucked up ass head." He said, walking to the driver’s side of the truck.
Noles got in the back. Pierre stayed where he was. Leaning against the truck, watching me. "What nigga?" I said, looking at him. My voice came out low.
"Man, get in the fuckin truck," He said, smacking his lips, pushing off the car. I stood there for a second. The music from the club thumped faintly behind me. The lights flickered through the open doors. The smell of smoke and liquor still clung to my clothes. Everything from inside still sitting on me. Then I looked down at my hands. Still slightly clenched.
I wiped my hand slowly against my jeans.
Turned.
And walked toward the truck. As I pulled the door open and climbed in, I understood something simple. I spent years thinking Nia stayed because she couldn't leave. Because she didn't know anything else. Sitting there in that truck, jaw aching, silence heavy between all of us...
I realized she didn't leave because she stopped loving me. She left because she finally learned she didn't have to stay. And there wasn't shit I could do now to make her unlearn that.
We pulled up in my yard about 40 minutes after riding in silence. I looked around the car at each of them as they stared back at me. The engine idled low. Nobody rushed me. They just sat there waiting. "Mannn what the fuck y’all niggas expect me to do?" I questioned, rubbing my hand over my face. My jaw still throbbed from that hit. My head felt heavier than it should've.
"Shid nigga go in there on your knees begging and crying. Buy her a new house or some." Pierre mumbled, looking out his window. He said it like it was simple. "You ask me, this nigga ass is ova wit. Nigga need to go in there and sign them papers and figure out what the fuck to do from here." Noles said. Straight, no dressing it up. "Maybe not. nigga just gon have to make up and throw a whole lotta dick." Pierre said.
"Doubt that," Noles said. That was the only response it deserved. "Get out, Ju. I’m ready to go." Juste said, hands bluntly on the steering wheel. "I’ve been outside after hours long enough fuckin with your stupid ass." He didn't look at me when he said it.
"Yeah, I'll get out ya car. Ion appreciate you putting your hands on me either bitch." I said, opening the car door and stepping out. My feet hit the gravel.
"And I appreciate you handling this whole situation how you is." He said, pulling off, spinning up gravel. I stood there for a second. Alone in my yard. House sitting quiet in front of me.
Lights low.
Nothing moving.
It didn't feel like home. Not the way it used to. I made my way inside the house. I had somewhat sobered up, but was still feeling it. Enough to feel everything. I dragged myself to the bedroom. Door slightly open. I pushed it the rest of the way and stepped in. Nia was sprawled out across the bed sleep in her silk pajamas. Her face was calm. Her hair wrap tied around her head made her features stick out.
She looked whole. I stood there looking at her, taking in the woman she'd become, realizing I didn't wanna lose her. I wanted to do this lifetime and the next with her. That part hadn't changed. Shit just got rocky. But even as I thought it, I knew it was more than that.
I moved toward the bed slower this time. I stripped down as I went. Clothes dropping behind me, one piece at a time. I climbed onto the bed beside her. The mattress shifted under my weight. She stirred. Eyes opening slow. Confused at first. She tried to push me away. Like she already knew what I was about to do. Like she had already decided she wasn't meeting me there. I didn't listen at first. That part of me still stuck in what we used to be. What I thought we still had access to. I leaned into her. Trying to reconnect the only way I knew how. The only way I had ever really used. Something that didn't require words. I wanted her to feel how sorry I was. Like that could reach a place words hadn't.
I pulled her shorts and panties down swift before she could make another move. She tried to push me away again, but I’d moved too quick. I already had my mouth latched onto her clit, massaging it with my tongue, making her weak. I wanted her to feel how sorry I was. I was using my tongue to write an apology letter all throughout her pussy. I just prayed she felt it, because I knew she felt me. I was sorry for everything I'd everdone, shit, she didn't even know about. I just wanted this shit to work. I didn't know what I'd do without her. True enough, I made this shit look good, but Nia was my backbone.
I felt her juices wet my face up as I let up for a minute to let her get it out before going right back in eating her pussy like I was on death row and it was my last meal. She screamed out again, letting herself go. I let up and moved on top of her, slipping my dick between her wet folds. I kissed her up and down her neck, leaving hickeys all over her like we were kids again. I whispered so many "I'm sorrys" and "I love yous", my voice was damn near hoarse.
She wrapped her legs around me, flipping me over so that she was on top of me. She rode me steady with her head thrown back and her mouth open, moving like muscle memory had taken over. I reached my hands up around her neck, not squeezing, holding, just enough to make her look at me. "You love me?" I grunted out, grinding into her, matching her pace. She didn't answer me; instead, she just kept moving, like she heard me and chose not to. "You love me?" I said again, louder this time. More force behind it. Not yelling, just pushing. Her eyes connected with mine for the first time. And they stayed there. No emotion spilling over. Just steady. “Always and forever. “The words came out clean. Like something she knew how to say without thinking about it too hard.