Kids.
A wife who wasn't home when she used to be.
A daughter already halfway out the door.
A life that didn't fit the same way anymore.
These niggas wanted to off Jade ass. I just felt like the situation could be handled different. Different didn't mean softer. It meant quieter. Fewer bodies. Less chaos. I knew her and knew the bitch didn't want nothing but some money and to make my pockets hurt. Money I could replace. Time I couldn't. They wanted to take it to the extreme, and we didn't even have to do that. Extreme always came with consequences. I'd already buried enough of those. The last thing we needed was another body popping up. Another headline. Another case. Another excuse for the system to keep its knee on my neck.
My phone buzzed, taking my attention away from them. I looked down.
"I heard you was looking for me..."The text read.
nia
I sat in the chair at the nail salon, writing in my journal as my feet sat in the bubbling water. The chair hummed beneath me, low and steady, like it was trying to soothe something deeper than my calves. The smell of acetone and sugar scrub mixed in the air, sharp and sweet at the same time. It reminded me of how most things in my life felt now, comfort layered over something that stung.
I'd gone to therapy earlier this morning and was spending time with myself before the kids got out of school. That still felt strange to admit, even in my own head.Time with myself.Like it was something I had to earn, and it could be taken away if I wasn't careful. I kept glancing at the clock on the wall, not because I was rushing, but because part of me still didn't trust that this quiet was allowed.
Jules had sent a text asking where I was earlier but id ignored it. something id become more and more comfortable with lately. The phone sat face down in my purse, zipped up,like I'd put distance between us on purpose. I didn't feel guilty about it the way I used to. That was new. Before, ignoring Jules would've sat heavy in my chest, would've felt like I was doing something wrong. Like I owed him immediate access to me. Now it just felt necessary.
The nail tech came over scrubbing my feet going through the different steps of the pedicure. She didn't talk much, just focused on what she was doing. I appreciated that. There was something grounding about someone taking care of a small part of you without asking questions. She rinsed my foot, wrapped it in a warm towel, then moved on to the next. Simple. Efficient. No emotional labor required. I kept writing. Not full sentences. Just thoughts. Half-thoughts. Words I didn't want to say out loud. I'm tired.
I miss who I used to be.
I don't know who, morning, Nia and I were sitting down at the table with breakfast spread out, waiting for I am now.
I love my kids so much it scares me.
I don't know how to love Jules without losing myself.I almost crossed that last one out, but didn't.
The door of the nail salon chimed, and I looked up to see Jade walking through the door. My pen stopped mid-word. A face I hadn't seen since I whooped her ass. My body reacted before my mind did. Spine straightening. Jaw tightening. That old, familiar readiness settling into my shoulders.
She stopped scanning the inside of the shop. For a split second, our eyes almost met. I didn't look away. I wasn't about to give her that satisfaction. I prayed her ass acted like she had some sense today because I had no problem folding her ass up in her clothes right here in the nail salon. Not because I wanted to fight. I was past wanting to fight. But because some boundarieshad already been drawn in blood and bruises, and Jade had a habit of pretending she didn't understand lines unless they were loud.
After a second, she turned around and walked out. The bell chimed again, sharp in the quiet, and just like that, she was gone. But the tension stayed. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. The nail tech glanced up at me, eyebrows raised slightly, like she'd felt the shift in the room too. I gave her a small nod, letting her know I was good. I wasn't, but I didn't need to explain.
I was curious now. Jade hadn't just showed up out of nowhere. Jade didn't do coincidences. Everything she did had a purpose. A message. A hook. So I had the lingering question of what the hell she was doing sniffing around here. My mind ran through possibilities I didn't want to entertain. Was she looking for me? Following me? Trying to provoke something? Or worse, trying to get information without saying a word?
I knew one thing: I didn't care how hurt Jules was. If he fucked off with that bitch again, I was serving him with divorce papers myself. That thought came clear and solid, with no hesitation attached. Not angry. Not emotional. Just decided. I wasn't threatening anymore. I was done negotiating my dignity.
I closed my journal and slid it back into my bag, fingers lingering on the zipper like I needed to make sure it was really shut. Like those thoughts needed to stay contained. The nail tech finished up, painted my toes a soft neutral color I always picked without thinking. Safe. Clean. Unassuming. I tipped her well, thanked her, and walked out into the sunlight feeling lighter in my body but heavier in my chest.
I sat in my car for a moment before starting it, letting the quiet settle again. I checked my phone. A missed call from Jules. He didn't leave a voicemail, and I didn't call back. I had a message on my phone from Evie saying that dinner would be at her house tonight. That made me pause. That too was odd. We always did Sunday dinners there, but if she invited us over for dinner mid-week, she had something on her mind. Evie didn't summon people for no reason. Especially not lately. Not after everything we'd lost. Not after the way grief had rearranged all of us. I typed back a simple“Okay, we'll be there“ and put the phone down. I let the phone sit in my lap for a second longer than necessary, staring at the screen like it might say something else if I waited. It didn't. It just went dark. I slid it into my purse and started the car.
When I left the nail shop, I headed in the direction of Chiana’s house to pick her up and take her to lunch. I felt like I owed her for all of the trouble the boys got in because of Julise. The thought sat heavy in my chest. Not because she'd blamed me. She hadn't. But because I blamed myself. Because everything my children did felt like a reflection of how steady I was holding my house together. And some days, I knew my grip wasn't as tight as I pretended.
Chiana was standing outside when I pulled up, sunglasses on, and phone in hand. She got in the passenger seat without saying much, just gave me a look that felt like a hug without arms. We ended up at a brunch spot about thirty minutes away from the house. It was one of those places with white brick walls and gold fixtures, soft music playing low enough that you could hear yourself think but loud enough to cover other people's conversations.
We slid into a booth near the back. "This one is good," Chiana said, tasting the peach mimosa off of her flight. I watched her face as she sampled each one, dramatic and precise like she was judging a cooking show.
"The prickly pear is the best to me," I said, getting comfortable in the booth. The cushion dipped under me. I kicked my sandals off beneath the table, flexing my toes. Little things like that felt rebellious lately. Comfort, I didn't have to ask permission for. "You'll never guess who walked in the nail shop today while I was getting a pedicure," I mentioned to her.
"Who?" she questioned, already leaning in.
"Jade. walked in and walked right back out." I answered.
Chiana's eyebrows shot up over her sunglasses. "What the hell don made that gutter rat surface?" Chiana questioned. Her tone was sharp, protective. I appreciated that about her. She didn't pretend to be neutral about people who disrespected me.