“You can’t even say the word fuck, Andie,” he expresses as his lips curve upward, shaking his head like I’m a child. His dusty blond hair fall over his eyes, making him look like a rugged prince, trying to distract me from the matter at hand.
My eyes narrow at him, his condescending tone not sitting well with me. “I don’t have to be able to say the word to do it, Noah,” I snap at him.
His smug smile slips at my serious tone, as he looks between my eyes. It feels like he’s seeing through me with that intense gaze of his. “No, you certainly don’t,” he whispers.
“Yes, so are you gonna do it?” I ask, my own hands folding over my chest.
“You’re seven years younger than me,” he spits out another excuse.
I arch an eyebrow at him, unimpressed by the childish reason. “I’m twenty-three, not an infant, Noah.”
He sighs, shaking his head, “This is wrong on so many levels.”
“What’s wrong about giving a woman her first orgasm?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering a curse under his breath.
When it seems like he’ll deny, I decide to give him a little truth. “It’s difficult,” I start, my tone low as I look at my lap instead, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt I’m wearing. “It’s difficult for a woman like me, a woman whose body doesn’t follow society’s idea of fit, to meet decent men. And if someone actually dates me, it’s more for them, to makethemlook kind and generous and charitable.”
I scoff and angrily wipe at the tear that falls unbidden. “Crappers on a cracker, I didn’t mean to cry,” I apologize, sniffling. But the tears don’t stop; it’s like a faucet left open.
In an instant, Noah’s standing in front of me, grabbing my waist and twisting me so my feet hang off the counter. My eyes widen in surprise as he gently wipes my tears with the pad of his thumb.
“I’m sorry this happened to you. They’re idiots for not seeing how special you are,” he states, his jaw clenching.
“Isn’t my body why you’re denying to sleep with me?” I ask him, hesitant that it just might be it.
“Andie, that’s—” his voice breaks, his eyes falling shut as his hands fist the counterbeside my thighs, caging me in.
“Yeah?”
He seems to gather his thoughts, opens his piercing emerald eyes, and stares into mine. “That’s not why I’m refusing, Andie?”
“Then why?” I ask.
He releases a hollow laugh. “For starters, you’re my best friend’s little sister, Andie. If Ezra finds out, he’ll kill me, bury me, and dig me out just to bury me again.”
“No one has to know,” I offer with a shrug.
“It’s not that simple, Andie.”
When it feels like he has made his decision, I refuse to face humiliation and rejection any more than I already have since yesterday. “Okay,” I say, my eyes cast downward as I push him aside to leave.
My bare feet touch the wooden floor as I pad across the living room, trying my hardest to swallow the mortification before I break down in front of my brother’s best friend.
Noah’s right. It was a bad idea.
To keep a little bit of my dignity, I let him believe that he’s not the only option I have.
“I’ll find someone else who’s more willing.”
Five
Noah
Andie hops down from the counter and makes her way into the living room, my t-shirt swallowing her whole, her milky white thighs peeking from under, teasing me and daring me to lose the control I pride myself on.
The dejection on her face tears open my insides, but I can’t help it. Staying away from her is therightthing to do.