Are you sure you’re not the monster who ruined their lives by being born?
I clutch my hair, holding in the scream as I stumble back into the wall, my legs giving out.
I practice the technique my therapist taught. Deeply inhaling for four seconds through my nose, I hold it in for three, and let it out of my mouth for two. I continue to do this rhythmic exercise until I feel myself calm down and don’t feel like I want to swallow a bottle of painkillers.
The calm is short-lived because the incessant vibration of my phone has me pulling it out of my back pocket. What I see on the device makes the blood in my veins run cold as I feel it draining from my face, my breathing ceasing entirely.
The phone in my hand trembles as one by one, photos of Andie and me materialize in front of me. They spanned over months, a few weeks after we agreed to the deal. In most of them, it’s clearly identifiable who the subjects are.
There are images of us at the bar, at the beach,taking a walk at night. There are also images of only Andie as she goes about her daily life, of her at her school, meeting her friends, and everything in between, and that makes my stomach curdle, and bile rise to my throat.
A text from Henry pops up.
If you know what’s best for you and her, I suggest you leave that bitch and never talk to me like that ever again.
Before I can even process it, another one comes.
You see, I owe a little debt to some very bad people, people who would let me go for this fine piece of ass, if you catch my drift. Or I can sell these images to get the money you keep denying me.
The choice is yours. If I don’t see the money in my account by tomorrow morning, I’ll know your answer.
I don’t reply. These pictures, messages, and ultimatum making me physically sick as I crawl to my hands and feet and puke my guts into the toilet, my stomach retching as I heave.
Andie bangs the door once she hears my voice, her cries eating me alive. After a few moments, my stomach settles down, and I flush the toilet.
I did it.
I put her in danger.
What was Ithinking? That I could be happy. That I could have someone like Andie in my life and not pay the price.
Here I was thinking of confessing to her, building a family with her, a future with her mere minutes ago.
But at what cost? Her safety and dignity?
Horror washes over me.
What have I done?
If Ezra found out, he’ll bury me alive. Honestly, that would be the best course of action if I want to keep her safe.
Henry and those low-life men I know he deals with will stop at nothing to get what they want. And if I don’t do as he says, I may very well sign her death warrant.
Panic seeps into my bones at the thought of any harm coming to her. Whether it be her name dragged through the mud, or the men Henry owes…
I can’t even finish the horrendous thought.
I know what I need to.
I need to let the love of my life go.
Forty One
Andie
Imake myself sick to my stomach, pacing the padded floor of his room as I wait for Noah to come out.
He locked himself in the second we got home, and now the sound of him puking has me seconds away from breaking down that door.