Stop. Stop. Stop.
Across the room, Adriana is watching me. She doesn’t look angry or jealous. She’s just…watching. Gently, I shift the woman off my lap, giving her a small grin and a playful squeeze to her ass so she laughs instead of feeling brushed off. She spins away easily, already disappearing back into the crowd.
I stand, slightly unsteady but functional, and move toward Adriana. She doesn’t ask anything when I reach her. I just tilt my head toward the exit.
Her eyes flick there, then back to me before nodding. We slip out without anyone stopping us, and the cold hits immediately. Snow is finally falling—thick, slow flakes drifting through the air, coating the streetlights in a soft glow that makes the entire city look beautiful. Moscow’s gold lights pour onto fresh white sidewalks, the distant sound of traffic muted by the storm.
I’m still high, warmth spreading through my bloodstream despite the freezing air. I pull out a cigarette, light it, and inhale deeply, the smoke burning pleasantly in my lungs before I exhale a slow stream into the night.
“WASTE”is still playing in my headphones, the chorus repeating again and again. For some reason, it’s calming me. I don’t think of changing songs...I just let it keep looping over and over.
Adriana walks beside me without speaking. She doesn’t seem bothered by the cold at all. In fact, her cheeks are still flushed with the last glow of the drug.
A black car sits across the street, and I notice Erik and Aiden sitting in the front. Watching. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I glance down.
Erik:
Come to the car after your little walk.
I don’t respond. I just slip the phone back into my pocket, take another drag from the cigarette, and stare out over the glowing city lights while the snow continues to fall around us.
Days stop lining up. Morning isn’t morning anymore. It’s just whenever someone opens the curtains, and the gray light crawls across the floor. Sometimes it’s noon. Sometimes it’s still dark. Sometimes I wake up because my ribs hurt and I can’t remember why until I move. Sometimes I wake up because Erik is nudging my shoulder, telling me to get dressed. Since torture has all hours of the day.
They give Adriana and I pills now, too. Sometimes Alexei hands them to me himself, smiling like I’ve earned a treat or some shit. I don’t even know what the fuck they are, honestly. They don’t feel like oxy.
But I always take them.
At first, Adriana just watched me swallow them, but eventually, she started taking the cup from Erik’s hand before it even reached me, and swallowed them dry. We sleep at strange hours, sometimes collapsing in the middle of the afternoon, sometimes wide awake until sunrise, talking about nothing,staring at the ceiling. Sometimes we don’t talk at all—just lie there, her head on my chest, both of us pretending the silence is peaceful. Even now, I don’t even know what time it is. All I know is that it’s dark outside. My phone has been dead for god knows how long due to my neglect.
We still haven't had sex, and I'm grateful for it. I wonder if I'm broken in that way now after everything my body has been put through. No matter how much she snuggles up to me at night, I feel nothing. She hasn't tried anything because I think she's probably feeling the same way as me. I sigh and roll over, feeling Adri’s presence beside me.
I’ve barely fallen asleep when a sudden, bloodcurdling scream comes from outside. Adriana jerks upright beside me at the same moment I do, both of us already breathing hard with anxiety. I’m out of bed before I realize I’ve moved, pulling on jeans, adrenaline burning through whatever drugs are still in my bloodstream from earlier. By the time I reach the front windows, I can see Alexei and Erik walking in from the edge of the yard, their breath fogging faintly in the cold.
Alexei laughs at something Erik says. Like they didn’t just fucking murder someone. He glances toward the house, catches sight of me in the window, and gives a small nod before continuing towards the main house.
I stand there a second longer than I should, hands still half-curled into fists, before turning back. Adriana is sitting upright in the bed when I return, blanket up to her chin. She doesn’t ask what happened. She already knows. I slide under the covers beside her, and after a moment, she tucks her head beneath my chin. Neither of us sleeps much after that.
Cold air slips through the cracked front door, brushing against the back of my neck. It smells like snow and forest. Adriana and I sit on the floor beside it, shoulders touching, the cigarette passing slowly between us. The little guesthouse is quiet at three in the morning.
Cocaine keeps our thoughts moving even when our bodies feel heavy, but the high is starting to dip. That edge is dulling. Coming down is never fucking fun.
For a long time, neither of us says anything.
Smoke drifts upward, disappearing out the door. I watch it instead of thinking. Thinking usually leads somewhere useless.
I don’t know how long I’ve been in Moscow anymore. Weeks. Months. Time here doesn’t feel real. It stretches and folds in on itself until it’s just…nothing.
I pull my phone from my pocket, turning it over once in my hand without unlocking it. For a second, I consider texting Micah again. Just something short. Make sure he got the point last time.
They’re probably leaving Alexei alone now anyway. I know he was falling hard for Heather, so threatening her might have finally done the trick.
And even if they aren’t backing down, what the hell are they supposed to do? Take him down? Little Rook couldn’t touch something like this. None of them could. That world feels smaller every day. Like it’s shrinking the farther I get from it.
I slide the phone back into my pocket.
The cigarette comes back to me. I take a drag, exhale slowly toward the open door, watching the smoke vanish into the cold air outside. For a moment, it feels like any other life never existed at all. Like this…the pills, the nights, the pain…is the only thing that’s ever been real.
Adriana shifts beside me, drawing her knees closer to her chest. Her shoulder presses more firmly into mine.