“I’m scared.”
“I know.”
I glance up just in time to see Vlad entering the room with another barely dressed woman on his arm, laughing loudly as he greets Alexei across the floor. His eyes sweep the room before landing directly on me.
Instinctively, my hand tightens at Adriana’s back, pulling her closer against my side.
The shift is unmistakable thirty minutes later. Warmth spreads through my chest first, then down my arms, like something soft loosening muscles I didn’t even realize were clenched. The tension in my shoulders dulls, the constant electric anxiety in my nerves quieting into a strange, floating calm. The lights seem brighter now, colors bleeding softly intoone another, the bass vibrating pleasantly through my ribs instead of rattling them.
Definitely MDMA.
A strong fucking dose.
Adriana is laughing softer than I’ve heard her in a long time. The rigid fear that’s been living in her face for days melts away as she moves beside me, her hands sliding up to my shoulders while the music shifts again.
“Maneater”by Nelly Furtado starts playing through the speakers. She looks up at me, and even though some anxiety still lingers in her eyes, she’s trying to let go for a few minutes. The drug makes everything feel like the world has been wrapped in a thin layer of static electricity. Touch feels sharper. Breathing feels deeper. The exhaustion in my bones fades enough that I almost forget where we are. And honestly?
Fuck it.
I lean down and kiss her. The rush hits me harder the second our lips meet, my chest flooding with a sudden, artificial swell of something that almost feels like affection, almost like safety, even though I know it’s chemical bullshit.
Then—a flash.
A face in my mind. A memory clawing forward. My body tenses instantly, a low snarl nearly rising in my throat.
Get out of my head.
Forget about me. Please.
Forget her forget her forget her...
I pull Adriana closer and kiss her harder, chasing the thought away, focusing only on the pulse of the music, the press of bodies dancing around us, the artificial euphoria trying to swallow everything else whole. The lights strobe across the crowd, reflections flashing across glass and metal, people laughing loudly and touching freely.
It's not like they can actually save me. I know them. They might try, but they'll fail. And, eventually, give up. Or I'll die.
The song swells, bass vibrating through the floor, and for a few brief minutes, I let myself disappear into the noise, into the movement, into the warmth running through my bloodstream. Anything to keep the memories from breaking through. That life feels so far away now.
My mind and body seem to be disconnected entirely. I glance around, watching the people around me dance and grind. I've gone to some wild parties throughout the years, taking drugs I had no business taking, but this is the scariest shit I've ever been to. Human slaves being sold off, while buyers take MDMA and whirl around one another without a care in the goddamn world.
The fuck is happening?
Time slows, and my vision blurs. I'm not here.
An hour later, I’m sunk deep into one of the low velvet couches along the edge of the room, my body heavy and loose in a way that almost feels unreal. Adriana started talking to one of the other women, so I settled here for now. My headphones are in, the bass of“WASTE”by KXLLSWXTCH vibrating directly into my skull, the song looping over and over until the rest of the party sounds muffled and distant.
The roll is strong now. My head tips back against the couch, eyes half-closed as the music floods through me. For the first time in what feels like forever, my body actually reacts to something—a faint spark of arousal, dulled for weeks by fear, torture, and exhaustion, suddenly flickering back to life under the drug’s influence. It feels foreign. Artificial. But still…there.
Weight settles onto my lap.
I don’t even open my eyes at first. Whoever it is smells sweet, fruity perfume drifting down as her hands rest lightly on my shoulders. It feels good...the simple warmth of another body.And for a few seconds, I let it happen, letting the music drown everything else out.
My eyes finally flutter open. A blonde woman in black lingerie with perfect makeup and a perfect smile. She’s beautiful. But she’s not…
My chest tightens.
No. Don’t think of her.
Stop.