Lucifer looked back down at him.“Did he?”
My gaze sliced down to Silas and back.“You were there, you saw what he did.He surrendered instead of taking out Nathaniel.”
“Have you asked Silas why he did it?”
My head jerked back.“What are you talking about?We know why.”
“Not everything is black and white, Urs, you know this.”
I shifted from foot to foot, looking back down at Silas, then at Lucifer.“And you know the truth?”
“We’re all pieces of some fucked-up puzzle, sweets.Like I told you, it’s your turn to put down the next piece.You need to decide what happens next.What do you want to do, Urs?”
“I have to protect our reputation.I can’t let anyone think I’m…we’re weak.I can’t let this happen, not again...I can’t?—”
Lucifer grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, holding me so tight I could barely breathe, and he didn’t let go this time.“It wasn’t your fault,” he said roughly, harshly.“It wasn’t your fault back then, and it’s not now.You are not weak, Urs.You are so incredibly strong, but, sweetness, you don’t have to be strong all the time.Do you understand me?Showing the pain in your heart does not make you weak.”He pressed his forehead to my temple.“Nothing you could do could disappoint me.You make me so fucking proud, Urs.Every day you fill me with pride.You and your sisters are everything to me, and if you need to let go of the pain or the fear that you’ve spent your life locking down, you unburden it on me.You give it to me.”
A sob escaped the depths of my soul, a raw, animal sound I didn’t feel coming.“Why?”I gasped out.“Why me?Why did he betray me?Why doesn’t he want me?”I buried my face against Lucifer’s shoulder.“What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“B-baby,” Silas choked out.
I startled and moaned in humiliation.
“Would you look at me…please?”he rasped.
I lifted my head and swiped my hand across my cheek.
“I told you, hellcat, I fucking love you,” he said.
I reached out like a desperate fool, searching for it, and sucked in a pained breath, because like always I felt nothing.“Why are you lying about this?What the hell is wrong with you?”I yanked my knife free, and choking on my heartache, flew at him, pressing my blade to his throat.“You just made it a whole lot easier to kill you.”
“Why do you doubt him?”Lucifer asked calmly.
I spun back to him.“Because I’ve reached inside him and I’ve looked.There’s nothing there.”I pressed my blade deeper.
Invisible hands pulled me away, dragging me to the other side of the room.Lucifer strode forward and crouched beside Silas.I tried to break free, but he continued to use his powers to hold me there.
“Is Uriel acting alone?”he asked Silas.
“I think so.I saw no one but low-level angels while I was held there.No sign of Michael.”
Lucifer nodded.“I suspected as much.”He tilted his head to the side.“I have an offer for you.”
“What is it?”Silas said, struggling to sit up.
“Do you want to stay here?”
Silas’s gaze slid to me.“Yes.”
“What?”I gasped.
“Work for me, help us fight in the war that’s coming, and you’ll have a place here in Hell, but know if you do that, if you agree to stay, you can never return to Heaven.When Uriel is defeated, and he will be, there will be no returning home.Michael will never allow you back, he will never return your wings if you choose to stay.”
Silas’s gaze left Lucifer and returned to me.“I don’t give a fuck about my wings or Heaven.I want one thing, and I’ll give it all up, if only she’ll have me.”His gaze pleaded with me.“I fought for you, Urs, to get back to you.I know I failed you before, but never again.No matter how long it takes, I won’t stop fighting for you.”
He wasn’t playing fair.
He swallowed thickly.“Urs?Please.”