As far as he could get from me.
Was he with Rosalind?
Don’t go there.
But I couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming.Had he kissed her?Fucked her?
My axe was in my hand and flying across the room before I realized it was happening, a cry full of the raw anger burning in my chest.The wide blade sunk into my door almost all the way to the handle.Gasping, I leaned over, gripping my thighs and tried to breathe, trying not to hyperventilate.“Fuck,” I choked out.“Stop it.Fucking stop.”
If I could, I’d cut this feeling out of me.I’d hack the weakness inside me to pieces and set it on fire until it was nothing but ash.That wasn’t possible though.The only way to make this agony go away was to eliminate the person causing my pain.Silas was my weakness.No one had hurt me like he had.I couldn’t move through this world knowing that if he chose to come back, if he begged me to forgive him, that even after everything—I might just do it.A cold sweat broke out all over me.No, I couldn’t have that.I couldn’t be this pathetic creature he’d made me.
Loving someone who didn’t give a fuck about me wasn’t the problem.What I couldn’t tolerate?What I couldn’t allow to go unpunished?Being betrayed and humiliated twice by the same fucking male.I had never let disrespect go unanswered, and I couldn’t now.My position among my sisters, as one of Lucifer’s warriors, was all I had left.If our enemies heard about this, and they would, they’d see me as the weak creature Silas had made me, easily defeated, ruled by my emotion.
I couldn’t have that, and no matter how much it would fuck me up, I meant what I’d said to the knights.If I saw Silas again, I was going to kill him.
Twenty-Two
Silas
“If you sharewhat you know, Silas, I will allow you to speak with Michael,” Uriel said, wiping his blade on the bloody rag beside him.
Did he really think I was falling for that?Michael wasn’t coming, and even if he could, I’d never give Uriel a way to hurt Ursula, and hurting Lucifer would hurt her.I shook my head, coughing up more blood.It spilled over my lips and down my chin, mingling with the blood on the rest of my bruised and cut body.
“You do realize that if you don’t speak, I will throw you out.Lucifer already thinks you betrayed him, and I hear his torture techniques are highly effective.If you don’t share what you know.If you don’t tell me what you have learned about Lucifer while you fornicated with the demon spawn, you will be cast out again and never allowed to return.You will be without a home, because I assure you Hell won’t want you, and the knights won’t trust you, either, not now.”
Uriel was probably right, but I’d rather that than give him the means to tear it all down.Uriel had done something to his brothers and sisters, and arming him with the means to gain more power would not only be a betrayal to Ursula and those she loves but to Heaven as well.Uriel was a soldier, he was never meant to lead, and definitely not like this.
“Even if I knew h-how to best Lucifer, which I don’t, I w-wouldn’t tell you.”
With a hiss, he closed the space between us, then grabbed a fistful of my hair and began hacking it off.I gasped in agony.An angel’s hair was almost as important as their wings.It didn’t hold any power, but it may as well have.Losing it said you had been defeated, destroyed—broken—in every way.
“You are beyond redemption,” he said as he continued to hack, his knife slicing into my skin as he did.
I gritted my teeth.It would be over soon.Soon it would all be over.
“The stain of your sin will forever mark you, Silas.You will leave here disgraced.Marked.Exiled.”My hair fell to the floor around me.“I’m going to let you live, for now, but only because I want you to suffer.I want you to experience the rejection of everyone you care about.I want you to know that you protected and gave up everything for those who care nothing for you.I want them to see you like this, degraded, beaten, weak.”He grabbed my jaw and shoved my head back.“But if I do see you again, know that I will kill you.”
Then he gripped one of my wings and started slicing.I screamed, the sound torn from the depths of me.Not again.Oh God, not again.It was as if he were cutting out my soul as he tore the first wing from my back.As he cut off the second, I begged for death, but he would never be that merciful.
Instead, he imbedded two large hooks into the gaping wounds in my back and ordered Nathaniel and Eloa to drag my broken body from the palace, across the grounds, and through Heaven’s gates.
Nathaniel stared down at me, and this time there was no glee in his eyes, there was horror, maybe even fear.It flashed in his eyes before he hissed out a breath, planted his boot on my shoulder and shoved.
I fell.
For the second time, I fell from Heaven.Cast out like trash.
I sped toward the earth and didn’t bother to brace for impact.With any luck, it would tear me apart and finish what Uriel refused to.
Ursula
I couldn’t sit still.My brain wouldn’t shut the hell up.Pacing my room wasn’t helping.I needed a change of scenery or to hit a bar and drink until I couldn’t think anymore.Maybe Rune was having a party at the asylum?There were always parties there.I could swing by the Thornhearts, see if Magnolia was around.She’d been making some pretty good potions lately, the kind that made you feel good.Harmless, unlike some, and strong enough that you could check out for a while if that’s what you needed.And I needed that more than anything.
Opening a gateway, I strode out onto an average suburban street, where Magnolia and her mate lived behind her family home.The neighborhood was quiet, though that wasn’t surprising since it was getting late.The Thornheart place was a large Victorian, several stories high, and backed onto the forest.Lights glowed from upstairs, and there was a car I didn’t recognize parked out front.
Mags and her mate, Bram, a crow shifter, lived part-time in a treehouse in the backyard, and the rest of the time with the crows deep in Oldwood Forest.I wasn’t in the mood to be sociable, so I slipped down the driveway and around to the back of the house.The place was heavily warded, but apparently, I’d been given the all-clear by the family at some point and they’d forgotten to rescind it.
Lights were on up in the treehouse.At least they were home.Hopefully Magnolia had something here.