“Urs?”he said again, the fucking reptile even managed to conjure up a look of confusion.
He was a good actor, I’d give him that.If I didn’t know the truth, I might buy the whole wounded-warrior act he was trying to pull off right then.But I did.I knew that inside he was an empty void and a master manipulator, and what truly lay inside him was cold and cruel and utterly without conscience.
Fuck me, this hurt.It hurt like nothing else, and I only had myself to blame for the pain.
I knew better, and yeah, I’d pushed him away, I’d fought it, I’d challenged him about his feelings, but deep down, I’d wanted him to prove me wrong.I’d wanted to believe that he cared for me, maybe even loved me, that maybe, his emotions were somehow concealed from me.It only took moments for me to fall for the bullshit he’d spouted, to have a future where we could be together swirling in my mind.
Never again.
With a cry of rage, with agony burning a fucking hole in my chest, I ran at him.
He braced as I slammed into him, knocking him to the ground.He gasped in pain, but it was not enough, nowhere near enough.I came down on top of him and pressed my blade to his throat.“I’ll fucking kill you for this.”I got lower, so my face was only an inch from his.“You had to know I would fucking end you for what you’ve done.”
His gaze searched mine, still playing Mr.Innocent.“I had no choice.I had to surrender.I never meant to hurt you, I didn’t do it for them.I didn’t…”
“Stop lying,” I screamed in his face, then jerked my blade away and thrust it into his side.“You had Nathaniel.You fucking had him.”
His eyes widened, stunned, as I dragged my knife through flesh and muscle.“No…no, I…”
“Fuck you,” I hissed.
Someone wrenched me away, throwing me with force across the arena.Felditch stood between me and Silas, using his powers to hold me there.I watched as blood bubbled up, spilling from Silas’s lips.He lifted a hand, trying to use his powers, to hurt me no doubt, but nothing happened.Felditch was blocking him as well.
Uriel, the archangel of prophecy and repentance, rushed forward and held out his hand to Silas.
Not what it looked like, huh?Motherfucker.
“Are you seeing this shit?”I said to Felditch.“They fucking cheated.”
The bastard ignored me, keeping me locked in place.
Silas took Uriel’s hand, and his wounds vanished.He got to his feet, and his gaze instantly sliced to me.I didn’t want him anywhere fucking near me.I sneered and slid my thumb across my throat.You are fucking dead.I didn’t cry, but in that moment, I was fighting back angry, wounded tears.I couldn’t remember the last time I allowed myself to give in to that kind of despair and now, sure as hell, wasn’t the time or place.If he got close to me now, who knew which emotion swirling through me would win out.
He tried to step around Uriel, but the archangel grabbed his shoulder.As soon as he did, wings burst from Silas’s back.His spine bowed and he threw back his head, a laugh of pure joy pouring from him.Nathaniel and Eloa watched on and the look on Nathaniel’s face made it clear he’d been left out of the loop.
Silas had betrayed me for his wings, for a chance to go home.Of course he had.He was one of them.He always had been and he always would be.The female angel from the stands rushed over and grabbed his hand.Silas looked down at her while she spoke to him.
Yeah, wow, that cut even deeper.I choked down the pain.He’d made a fool of me again, but worse, I’d let him.Silas looked back at Uriel and said something before his gaze came back to me and locked on.
What the fuck was he waiting for?Leave, asshole, and never come back.He tried to get around Uriel again, but again, the archangel stopped him.
Uriel gripped his shoulder and they shot up into the sky.His female with them.As they ascended, Silas’s eyes didn’t leave mine.I didn’t look away.Lifting both hands, I flipped him off.Fuck you.And turned away.
As I limped through the arena, I saw my sisters waiting, the knights with them, expressions on their faces I couldn’t read.They were confused like everyone else, no doubt.I wasn’t, not anymore.Silas had straight up betrayed us all.
I couldn’t face them, not yet.I couldn’t face anyone.I’d let Lucifer down.I’d let my sisters down.
Never again.
I would never allow myself to be that weak again.I got what I deserved, though, right?Those fae fuckers had taught me the lesson a long time ago, but I’d forgotten it.I’d forgotten that I wasn’t made for that kind of love.I was a warrior, a handmaid, a protector of Hell, and now I’d failed in that as well.I’d failed all of them.
Roxy started toward me, but before she could reach me, I opened a gateway and stepped through, back to Hell, and closed it behind me.
Nineteen
Silas
As soon asUriel had landed, he’d dragged me to a cell.He stared down at me now with fury burning in his eyes.“What do you mean, you changed your mind?”