I’d been inside the mind of more than one psychopath in my life, and they’d had more going on than what was inside Silas.But he wasn’t alone, all angels were like this.They were shells, hollowed out, their reason for being was to serve Heaven and nothing more.The only angel, fallen or otherwise, who wasn’t cold like this was Lucifer.Angels didn’t need emotions, they had strict rules and guidelines.Sins that should be avoided at all costs, commandments that should always be followed.And if you failed, if you strayed from the path you were born to follow—you were cast aside as if you meant nothing.Only beings cold and devoid of real emotion could banish their own family like that and never look back.
I held Silas’s gaze, probing deeper, searching for more, for anything, but there was nothing to be found.Did he know he was empty?Maybe he’d pretended, played a role, mimicking others’ emotions, for so long that he believed he was like everyone else—or maybe he was just a master manipulator.Silas was able to express emotion, but I couldn’t see how it was possible for him to truly feel them.
Either way, I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t, couldn’t, love me the way I deserved.
The way I needed.
I let my hand slide away and smiled up at him.“Thank you for tonight.The final battle is tomorrow and this was…it was a nice way to end things.”
He frowned.“End things?”His hands at my waist tightened.
“It was a temporary truce,” I reminded him and gently pushed his hands away.
His hold tightened on me, but as he continued to hold my gaze, searching my eyes like I had his, he saw it, the end written all over my face, and finally loosened his grip and let me push them away.“It doesn’t have to be temporary,” he said.
“Yeah, it does,” I said and climbed out of bed.“Get some sleep.We have a big day tomorrow.”
Then I walked out, shutting his door behind me.
Sixteen
Ursula
When I woke,there was a black bodysuit waiting on a mannequin in the corner of my room and a pink Post-it stuck to it withwear mewritten on it in black Sharpie.A gift from Felditch.Sliding out of bed, I went over to check it out, lifting the sleeve and running my fingers along it.It was made of a light flexible material I’d never seen before.
My gaze slid to the door.I’d slept like shit last night.After I’d left Silas’s room I’d tossed and turned.Like an idiot, I’d wanted to go back, but doing that would be masochistic and I wasn’t into hurting myself.Living in a fantasy world, pretending Silas had real feelings for me, wasn’t something I could do.
Shoving those thoughts aside, I rushed through my shower, then pulled on the suit, not allowing myself to think too much about what could happen today.Whatever it took, we needed to win this, for Hell and for Lucifer.A loss wasn’t acceptable, and I couldn’t allow anything to distract me.Especially not the angel I could hear pacing around in the other room.
Quickly tying my hair up in a ponytail, I slid on my boots, took a fortifying breath, ignored all the pointless emotions battering me, and strode out.
Silas spun to face me as soon as I set foot in the living room, his gaze sliding down my body and back up.He was wearing the same getup as me, the suit clinging to his huge muscled body.
My belly swooped, and I ignored that as well.“You ever seen anything like this?”I said, running my hand along my arm over the thin material.
“I assume it’s just for show.It’s definitely not armor.”He pointed to the digital clock on the wall counting down.“We have to leave soon.”
I nodded as I grabbed my bag and quickly went through my usual routine, adding a drop of each poison to a mug.“Any guess on what Felditch has in store for us today?”
He studied me, not answering for several seconds while I added water to my poisonous brew, then drank it.His jaw tightened and he straightened his spine.“I assume some kind of battle until one team is defeated or someone surrenders.”He looked away, fussing with his suit.
“That would be my assumption as well.”He wasn’t looking at me.“Are you okay?”
His silver gaze sliced back to me.“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Okay.He seemed angry, whether he actually was, I couldn’t say, and that was the problem, wasn’t it?
I shrugged.“No idea.”I grabbed my axe and knives, and strapped them on.“Let’s go, then.”
We headed out, striding along the hallway, across the room, and out through the main doors.Felditch’s sun burned down on us, glinting off the gold in Silas’s hair and warming me through my dark suit.Time seemed to have no logic here.If we were in Roxburgh, the sun would be sitting much lower in the sky than it was for this time of the day.We rounded the manor, heading toward the field, the sound of thunderous cheering reached us.
Silas and I looked at each other as he cursed.A moment later, the field vanished, the world going dark for several seconds, before it burst back into reality.We were no longer on the path by the manor, we were striding along a stone passageway.“We’re back in the arena.”
Silas kept his eyes trained ahead.“Felditch will want a spectacle for the final event.”
“Not just a spectacle, he’ll want blood.”
“If he thinks I’ll kill for his amusement, he’s wrong.”