“I had a flight the next morning.” How dare he. My first instinct is to be mad, but there’s a small part of my heart that’sbreaking at the idea that we’ve both lost five years because we were both waiting for the other to do something.
“You had time that night to stay and figure things out, but you took off,” he says accusingly. So what if my bags were already packed and all that there was left to do was wait for it to be time to head to the airport? I didn’t want to say a real goodbye to him.
“So, what? You agreed to fake date me because you’ve been in love with me this whole time?” I wave my arms around like a crazy person.
“Yes,” he whisper-yells.
“Oh.” I pull my hands back to my chest.
“I loved you when I got you the cedar chest, I loved you when I kissed you that night, I loved you the entire time you were in Italy, I loved you when you asked me to be your fake boyfriend, I loved you when we slept together after the championship game, I love you right now in the house I grew up in.”
“What does that mean for us? Tomorrow? When we’re supposed to go home and go back to being friends?” My instinctive anger is fading away, getting harder to hold onto in the face of my desolation.
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to go back to being just friends. We don’t have to change anything we’re doing right now. We can just stay the same and be real like we’ve been telling everyone it has been.” I don’t remember what it feels like to have a hold on your emotions. It seems like I haven’t for days now, weeks even. The high of winning a league championship, the high of sleeping with Wyatt for the first time, the low of him telling me his plans to go back to Wisconsin remain intact despite everything between us. If I had been honest with Wyatt at my going away party, wouldwe have stayed together those five years? Would I have made it five years being long distance with him? Or would I have cut it short and come back, possibly hindering my career?
It must have been a long time since he finished speaking because he says, “Nash? Say something.”
I can’t yet. I don’t want to break this moment with what if’s and what about’s. Yesterday I was thinking maybe I could see myself leaving and coming to be with him in Wisconsin, and now he’s telling me he’s ready to give up on coming back? What does this man actually want? And can I trust him when he says he wants me?
“I want to be with you, too, but I can’t make you stay. Are we going to flip a fucking coin and whoever gets tails has to give up on their dreams?”
“I said I’m willing to do it.”
“And I said I’m not willing to let you.” I take a step toward him and let him fold me into his arms. Tears sting my eyes both from the thought of losing him like this and keeping him like a caged animal. I won’t clip his wings and stuff him in an aviary. Even if it’s gilded with a nice townhouse downtown and a new contract that will likely be worth millions.
“Why?”
I don’t look up at him. I let my words hit his chest where I keep my head tucked. “Because I love you, too. I have since before Rome. And since Rome. And right now. Which is why I can’t let you give up.”
“This is the way it has to be, Nash. I will be happy with you no matter where we live.”
“You can’t possibly know that. After a few years you’ll resent me because of this. We’ll come visit your family for the holidays and you’ll be depressed when we leave. In the heat of the summer every year you’ll be miserable and wishing Ididn’t drag you into all this.” I look up at him. “And I can’t bear the thought of that.” My Wyatt. “Isn’t it better that we’re best friends for the rest of our lives than something more until things go south?”
“So what are you saying?” I can feel him holding his breath as he waits for my response.
“I love you too much to let you give anything up. You’re too funny and kind and hardworking to not have everything you want.” The tears stinging my eyes are freely pouring now. He wipes them away with his thumbs.
“I want you.” I breath him in, cologne mixed with sweat. The smell of comfort, of home.
“You already have me.” We stand still at the top of the stairs waiting for time to come back to us. To remember where we are, the feeling of the carpet beneath our feet. The house holds its breath, too. Waiting to see what we’ll do. I love him. Iwanthim. I make up my mind right this instant. If we can’t figure out how to make this equal in reward or in sacrifice…at least we will have had one last night.
I put my mouth on his, breaking the tension between us. I exhale into him, and I feel the house exhale around us, too. I moan at the feeling, and he quickly pulls me into his room, never breaking our kiss. The smell of him in here is so overwhelming, it’s like I’m drowning in it. I love it.
He pushes me back on the bed and I yelp with the force. He’s always so gentle with me that I forget he’s capable of that kind of power.
“You’ve teased me all fucking day,” he whispers and somehow, it’s sexier than if he had said it aloud. “I hope you’re ready to pay for it.” Just like that, we’re back to teasing, playful friends. Friends who fuck.
I sit up on my elbows, the fire in my body starting to burnhigher in anticipation of finally,finallygetting what it wants. “It’s not a tease if I always intended to follow through.”
“What does that make it then?” he asks, and my smile goes from playful to devouring.
“Foreplay.”
He growls as he pushes me back down on the bed, wasting no time in flipping up my dress, revealing my lace thong. Wyatt pulls it to the side in his rush to get to my pussy. He drops to his knees and starts tonguing me though the gap.
It feels like my clit has been halfway to swollen all day. Waiting for someone to come by and give me the sweet pressure I need. He pulls back for a split second to blow on it gently, and the coolness of the air against my soaked panties has me bowing off the bed. He dives back in like he’s scuba certified. The power of his body apparently extends to his tongue because it pummels my clit in the short, fast movements I need to meet my climax. “Wait,” I whine, “I want to come on your cock. It’s so much better when you’re inside.”
He quickly shoves two fingers in me and gives a couple of rushed pumps. Foreplay is not at the front of my mind right now considering I’ve been waiting for this all day. When he stands, I reach for his cock, but he pulls my hands away and up his chest as he kneels on the bed and leans over me. I feel the warmth of his skin as I wrap my legs around him. There’s layers and layers of muscles there, but no ridges to his abs. I love the thickness of him. He’s broad to my narrow, and the idea of taking his thick cock again has me squirming under him.